noun: conundrum; plural noun: conundrums
a confusing and difficult problem or question.
Dating can be confusing. When I was younger, I over-thought everything. We all do that. But as I've gotten older, it's become easier to just let it roll off my back and realize, it may work out or it may not. There's no reason to over-think the things we can't control.
Having made that very rational statement...last night, I began over-thinking again like a junior high kid who just had his first kiss on the dance floor as "I Swear" plays. It wasn't my first kiss. It wasn't even our first kiss. But it made my brain spin.
Why does this happen to us? Why do we find ourselves with butterflies in our stomachs, no matter what our age is? I think it's probably healthy to feel that way. Being jaded isn't attractive on anyone, so having a moment of pre-romantic-nervousness is a great way to ground us again. It reminds us we're human and that we aren't invincible. We're all just mush underneath, no matter how tough our exteriors may seem.
So a kiss left me feeling like mush, and I think that's fine. I prefer to be very much in control of what happens, but facing this conundrum of not being able to control things, I'm just gonna have to roll with it. And yes, think about it some more.