Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Another adventure

I've never been particularly fit. When I was a kid, I played some kid sports, but after that, I just got into singing and acting. I didn't care for running, still don't actually, and I've had a difficult time finding the motivation to really do something about it.
I've always been rather successful at what I put my mind to, but none of those things involved being physical. Most of it involved sitting at a computer and the amount of exercise that brings is nil.
When I moved to New York, I was surrounded by thin, fit, beautiful people. I couldn't have felt more out of place. Yes, I did lose some weight because of all the walking and that was great, but ultimately it was only one belt notch smaller and I needed to go down 5 or 6 notches.
Determined to find my way in a new place and reinvent myself in the process, I drastically changed my diet. I didn't have money for a gym membership but I knew I could control what I ate. I lost 45 pounds over the period of a few months and I was feeling great about myself. I wasn't there yet, but I knew I had hit a milestone. Down a pant and a shirt size. I hadn't been this size since high school.
Over the last year, I learned how to keep it off and stay where I was. But it came time to kick it into gear again and go the rest of the way. This time, not just the diet had to change. I had to...join the gym.
I figured out it was possible but when I figured that out, I got mono. That set me back about a month but I'm pleased to say it has begun. 
And I feel great about it.
It's a change, it's something new, and it's something I'm not entirely comfortable with. But that's what life is. It's a series of new and sometimes uncomfortable things that either build us up in a way we didn't know we needed or tear parts of us down that needed trimming.
I'm excited for this adventure. Change, it is a-comin. 


Sunday, January 27, 2013

Chapters

I posted on Facebook a few days ago that I was deep into writing my first book and it has a target date of June 2013 to be released. There was a dual purpose to posting that, as there is for most Facebook posts.
The first purpose was to let people know I was doing it. What does it matter if I write a book that no one reads? So this makes sense to say to the people I'm connected to online, "I am doing this to share my life with you."
The second purpose was more personal. I'm stuck now. Now that I've proclaimed to the world I'm doing this, that means it has to happen. I don't want to look like a fool and being someone that's been a part of the journalistic world, deadlines have always been an important part of my life.
So there is it. Short and sweet. I'm a writer, I'm writing a book and I have a deadline.

The next five months of my life are going to be a really incredible time of evaluation, decision making and striving for becoming the best version of myself that hasn't existed yet. With so much happening, so many irons in so many fires, and so much sleep that will be forgone in favor of bringing to fruition the things I've wanted for years, I hope to look back at the first half of 2013 as the six months that I completely changed my life.
It's not going to be easy. It's going to require a lot of being truthful with myself, truthful with others, and time spent on work that could have been spent on play. But that's how we do things isn't it? We dreamers? We have to. I don't want to say that I became complacent during the tail end of 2012, but I did become comfortable. On the one hand, becoming comfortable is a good thing. It means I accomplished what I wanted to and found a groove doing it. Now, it's time to be uncomfortable again.

It's with a heavy heart that I begin this march toward turning 30 but, it's going to be the best thing I ever did.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Fallen

What do you do when you've fallen?
Just recklessly fallen?
When there's no hope for you or your feelings.
You've just completely fallen.

I don't like falling actually. We've all had that dream where we are falling forever and it's always terrifying because we wake up when we hit the ground in our dream. When that happened to me, I was a kid and I fell off the bed. This is where I think Inception is a real thing and we shouldn't fall asleep on planes because I remember falling and falling and falling and falling. It was like I was falling off Everest and when I hit the ground...I was on the floor of my bedroom. I'd fallen about two feet. That's it.
When I was older, I had a dream that I fell off this tall ladder at work. I worked retail for about five years to make my car payments and there was this 30 foot ladder that I used to change the signs that hung from the ceiling. I never really thought I'd fall off the ladder but it was always in the back of my mind. Do I fall on top of the metal rack? Do I chance landing on my feet in the aisle? Of course I never got to change a sign in the pillow department. That'd be too easy an escape. But I had this dream that I fell off that ladder and landed on the top of the rack.
I don't care for falling.

But then again...once you've fallen...what can you do?
Might as well just go with it.
So I've fallen.
Not off a ladder or off Everest.
But I've fallen.
And I kinda like it.