Friday, September 14, 2012

I will sell this house today

What do you do when you feel less-than?
It's not really a rhetorical question. I'm actually asking. What do you do when you feel less-than?
As much as I'm just a big ball of insecurities, I rarely feel less-than. I've got a pretty good grasp on who I am, what I like, who I want to surround myself with and where I'm headed. But it only takes that one moment of unexpected anxiety to knock the wind of our my sails completely and I end up a heap somewhere, trying to regain my composure and convince myself that I actually will 'sell this house today.'
You may not know that reference. It's from American Beauty. Annette Bening is a realtor and she's mind-over-mattering her bleak situation by telling herself she will sell this house.She doesn't.
I didn't either this week. Sadly, it's ended up like it ends in the film, slapping the hell out of my face, angry that I couldn't sell my metaphorical house. I know I'm not alone in this. We all have times when we give it all we've got and it doesn't seem to measure up. We even all have moments of surreal discouragement that take us by surprise, mostly because we think we're immune to that sort of thing. Like I said, I've got a pretty good grasp and I don't tend to let the little things screw with me. But this time, for some reason...
So I regroup. Take a minute. Stop moving forward for long enough to put what's around me currently in focus. Then we will see. I'm not less-than, no matter who or what may try to convince me otherwise. But while my mind may know that, matter hasn't caught up yet. But it will. Because unlike Carolyn, I will actually sell this house.

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