Thursday, February 9, 2012

The vortex

Life and death. How often do we really think about the two together? I often find myself thinking about life, thinking about living to the fullest, thinking about the joys and occasional heartbreaks involved with life. But I can honestly say that I don't think about death on a daily basis. We don't like to think about death because it signifies an ending and it's rare that we like to think about endings. Sure, we see a bad play, we can't wait for it to be over or when we are in a season of our life that doesn't make sense or is incredibly difficult, we can't wait for that season to be over. But on the whole, we aren't a fan of endings.
But last night, a coworker in my office passed away and there's nothing like the death of someone you know to snap things into perspective. And it's a strange perspective I think.
I'll admit that I haven't had to deal with great deal of death in my lifetime thus far. I know that changes as we get older, but my reaction always feels the same. It's like I'm instantly sucked into this vortex of numbness. My mind doesn't really process it at that moment because in that vortex, there's nothing to process. There's nothing. 
I always thought that was rather strange, the absence of feeling. Why don't I burst into tears like some people? Why don't I have a vocal reaction like others? Rather, I fall incredibly silent and float around in the vortex for a bit. The only thing I can process in that moment is the music I choose to pipe into the vortex. Today, as I was piping my rather steady diet of gospel music in, one song seemed to echo louder than the rest. And what's funny about that is, it's a song that I find kinda silly. But the part that echoed loudest was:

We gotta do better than this 
'cause we only got One chance to make a difference  
We gotta do better than this
'cause we only got One life that we've been given
A little love, a little kindness  

A little light in this time of darkness 
It'll be what makes us different  
It'll be what makes us human

So while we all have to funnel out of the vortex at some point, it's okay to float for a bit. One of the greatest things about life is our ability to gauge feelings, whether that's the feeling of love, of comfort, of disappointment, of anger or of the lack-thereof. Without death, we'd have no perspective on life and for me, it's the time spent in the vortex that allows my focus and my perspective to gather together. We've only got one life and we have to make it count since we never know when it will be over.

1 comment:

The Rando Report said...

I can relate. I liked the sentiments of the song. Very true or as Lauren would say, "Truth Bombs!"