Thursday, February 2, 2012

Doubt

Doubt.
I wrote a Masters paper on the differences/similarities/intersections between the film and the play. I actually passed John Patrick Shanley (the writer of both) on the street one day and I still wish I'd had the chance to tell him that I studied his work and wrote about it. So now is a regret about 'doubt.'
I think doubts are the thing I fear most in the world (besides giant squids and being buried alive). I feel like I'm a rather confident person. I'm a go-getter for sure. When I was in college, people would tell me that I always "walked with purpose." I kinda loved that. But every now and then, just like with everyone, doubts creep in.
Can I actually do this?
What if they retract away from me?
Am I too confident?
Am I not grateful enough?
What if I'm wrong?


I'll admit that so many of my doubts come with my goals for the magazine. I learned early on that if you don't aim high, you will never reach the goals you've set out for yourself and this year, I'm aiming higher than I've ever aimed before.
I'll share some insight with you: There's always one cover I'm looking forward to more than the others. It's not that I don't love the other concepts of fully-believe in the art that these other artists are creating, but there's always one that I find myself thinking about more than the others. Of course that's the one where I decide to aim higher than ever before on. So, what if things don't pan out? What if the artists are too occupied for my little magazine? What if they don't believe in my like I believe in them? It's a mess of doubts that I have to tackle in my mind.
But that's what we have to do right? We have to tackle the things that scare us.Except for giant squids. That's a no-go no matter what.

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