Wednesday, October 26, 2011

There's a T-rex in my heart

If you could stop a car crash, would you? I mean, if you had the power to stop a head-on collision, would you do it? Of course you would.
I've tried, metaphorically speaking of course, and it didn't work.
I have this problem. When I see something that MUST change and it doesn't, I feel like as a defense against being taken down with it, I have to detach. That's a scary thought, detaching. Once you've detached, it's really hard to attach again, yes? I mean, once I'm done with something, I'm really done with it. That's a quality about myself, whether or not it's a good or bad thing is up in the air.
I'm that way about what I write too. I detach really easily. In college, when I was writing my Masters thesis, I had to work on it/read it every day because if I put it away for long enough, I would detach from it and when I'd come back to it, it'd be this strange thing that I'd have to remind myself I wrote. True story.
So, I'm currently in the middle of watching a car wreck take place and there's nothing I can do about it....starting to detach...and I can hear it. Like an emotional velcro ripping apart...

And then just when I feel like I'm going to tear completely apart and disengage forever, I have to read an interview with Stephen Spielberg. Yes, the abba of film-making has struck a chord, this time not with movie goers, but with my heart. In talking about the fourth Indiana Jones film and the inherent problems it had, Spielberg says of writer/producer George Lucas: “I am loyal to my best friend,” he says. “When he writes a story he believes in — even if I don’t believe in it — I’m going to shoot the movie the way George envisaged it.”
So the velcro stays attached for now. If Spielberg can make sense of Jurassic Park then he can also make sense of my heart. By but benevolence, much like the dinosaur violence in the film, can only linger for so long until it snaps and destroys everything in sight. What can I say? I'm a blurter (which is a 'spitter' in dinosaur terminology). 

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