I had a hard time sleeping last night, which isn't surprising to me at all. I always seem to have trouble sleeping the night BLEEP is released. There's just so much of a build up and once I've set it to publish, my mind starts spinning a hundred different ways.
At the core of it, I believe in people. I believe in their dreams. I want to see every single person that's featured in the magazine achieve all that they say they want to achieve. I believe in the actor on stage. I believe in the dancer on TV. I believe in the singer trying to make it. I believe in the way the photographer sees the world. I do. And while that may seem overly optimistic, I do. I believe in them.
We live in a world where people are constantly giving up on their dreams, and to me, there's nothing sadder. When a person gives up on their dreams, they give up a part of themselves as well. They trade that in for whatever it is they're trading it in for, may it be comfort, cash or complacency. It's not something I've ever been able to understand nor will I ever be able to understand it. We only get one shot in this life and to take a gamble on regrets doesn't make sense to me.
And that's why I gravitate toward the creative people who are featured inside the magazine. They are taking that one shot they have and going for it with all they've got. Just as I am.
So last night, as I lay in bed, I felt a sigh of relief, not only because the issue was out (early) and people seemed to like it at first glance (always a plus), but because I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's not easy, don't get me wrong, I could really use three assistants and a guide dog right about now, but going for this has been so fulfilling and rewarding that who cares about any of the cons when there are so many pros?
I'm incredibly happy. Now go read my magazine.