Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I hate that feeling

I'm in a weird mood today. Maybe it's the rain outside, maybe it's the fact that I woke up hungry but don't really want to eat, or maybe it's that I'm disappointed.
I think that's what it is. I'm disappointed. I hate that feeling. It just sits there, at the bottom of my heart, chillin. I hate that feeling and there's nothing you can do to get rid of it too. You've just got to let it sit there until it decides it's done with you.
I don't like when things don't work out, when someone you love hurts you or when something you thought was pretty great falls through. I've had all three things happen in the past week and while I try to be a really upbeat person and not talk about these things, there comes a point when, much like a zit, things come to a head.
It's a matter of fact that things don't always work out in life. You don't click on a date, you think you've landed an interview and it doesn't happen, you figure you're a shoo-in for something and you don't get it. It happens. Just gotta keep moving. Same thing with when great things fall through. Usually it's a perception issue on your part which sucks all the more because then you wonder why you read into it what you read. But the part about being hurt by a friend, that's worse than either of the previous two.
I got hurt recently, and while I've played it off and even joked about it because of how ridiculous it was, deep down, I got hurt pretty badly. You know when someone hurts you and it's not the sort of thing you think you can rebound from with them? Not only did it hurt you but it hacked away at your relationship with that person? There's a chunk missing now and I'm not sure how to put it back. The logistics aren't important I don't suppose, but it's become harder and harder to ignore and today, I'm not.
I know I don't usually go deep deep like this on here, but it's where I'm at today. Not everything is always 30 Rock and Tyra references. (usually that's what's on my mind-grapes but not always) I find myself with an abundance of spare time right now, what with the magazine finished and the next one not really started up yet, so I think I'm gonna spend that time in movie theaters, wandering the city and clearing my head. It's amazing how much freer you can feel if you just allow yourself to feel. Perhaps that's an amazing aspect of disappointment, you can only go up from there. There's a hope that at some point, things will change. We all need that hope.
So I'm disappointed. That's how I feel currently and I've let it out. It's out there in the open. Hopefully now the zit's been popped. Or on the way to popping. Which is painful...and gross. Time to move on.

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