Thursday, May 19, 2011

I feel

I recently felt my heart break. Well, I think it's been a slow break. More like a cracking that finally split open. And what's funny is, it wasn't for the reason I thought it'd be. It's not like I've had some sort of traumatic experience or anything or that I've been done wrong. It's just been a long time coming and it finally came apart. How depressing.
But you know, my first thought after I felt my heart sink into my feet was, "I feel." Kinda like at the end of the first Pirates movie when Geoffrey Rush gets stabbed (that happens to be what he says). Except I wasn't stabbed and I don't have a pet monkey, though if I did, I would name him something awesome like Trigger or Tracy Morgan. But my first thought was "I feel."
I realize how all of this must sound. "What's wrong with the boy?! Does he feel dead inside?! Do I need to get him an appointment?!" No on all counts. It's just that when you're going through a change of life, there are growing pains and I've been suppressing mine for a while I guess. Well game, set, match, love love deuce. It's all out there now.
I think we need to allow ourselves to feel things sometimes just to remind ourselves we're not invincible. We aren't made of stone. I have a tendency to bottle things up (and blurt them out at the worst possible moment) and I think that a little emotional blurting would do us all some good. We aren't these stone structures of solidarity we like to present ourselves as. At least, I'm not.
No, I'm not in the throws of an all out emotional breakdown. I'm fine. Listening to Adele and Sarah Brightman, dreaming of living in London one day, drinking coffee - all the normal things I do each day. I just felt like maybe I wasn't the only one who has a rough patch every now and then - so I thought I'd share where I'm at.
I'm gonna go listen to Suddenly Seymour now. If you'd like to be reminded why, read THIS entry from a while ago.

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