Have you seen the commercial on television touting the wonder that is water? It's this calm Desperate Housewives narrator typed voiced woman who is basically saying that water is good and other forms of drinks are bad for you right? Well, tonight, I think I slipped into some bout with crazy because I've lost my mind.
See, as it's showing a kid jumping into a perfect swimming pool of, I'm sure, highly chlorinated water, the dead-lady narrator says something to the effect of: "We don't swim in soda," to which I verbally answered her, "Well maybe we would if we had the opportunity."
This then led me to wonder which soda I would want to swim in.
Now you know I don't drink soda any more, haven't really for a long time, but it made me think about it non the less and the answer I landed on was that I would want to swim in Coca Cola. The only reason I can think that someone would swim in soda is to have a story to tell for the rest of their lives right? So if you're going to tell the story that you swam in soda, it should be soda colored. And I don't know who in their right mind would ever want to swim in Pepsi...unless...
Do you remember Crystal Pepsi? Do you? It came out in 1993 and tasted exactly like Pepsi but wasn't brown. It was clear. The thought process there was that people would love it because it was the same taste but didn't have any of the artificial coloring in it that makes soda brown. I remember shopping with my mother at Albertsons in Coppell, Texas and the first thing we would do was go to the soda machine and I would get me a can of Crystal Pepsi. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. It disappeared as quickly as it emerged because people just couldn't get on board with it not being brown. As the I Love the 90's special so eloquently pointed out, we, as a culture, want our soda to be the same color as a bowel movement.
So I'd swim in a sea of Coca Cola and yes, I'm sure I would drink some in and while this does beg the lingering question about peeing in the pool of Coke, I choose to overlook it. Because that's the head space I'm in this evening.
So to that commercial that tried to prove a point but in doing so also sent me into this wildly irrational head space, I will never be able to watch you again. Because now I'm dreaming of swimming in soda so I have a story to tell.
For more reasons than one, I dedicate this post to my friend Cheryl. She will know why and for the record, it has nothing to do with the part about peeing in the pool.