Please tell me you are watching the Circus act that is the new season of The Bachelor. Please. It's more than a circus show, it's a freak show on steroids and Prozac.
Here's the thing. It's the same guy who was the Bachelor once already and turned down both women at the end. So this is his second chance right? That's fine. But the entire sob story about how he had to see a therapist and was falling apart and everything was a bit much. That was until the therapist started talking to the TV. Really gang? Really? I don't want to watch Dr. Phil. I want to see women act like fools to superficially fall in love with a stranger! And then bringing out the two girls he said no to? Tacky. But I'll tell you, both of those girls were showing off their rings like there was no tomorrow.
Okay. The girls are every bit as diverse as they want them to be on this show. But my favorite line? "In my profession, I meet a lot of guys...unfortunately they're not alive." What? Be a funeral director. That's fine. But don't try to do shtick.
What about the "professional manscaper" and all the shots of the men having their hair ripped off their bodies? I thought was about as strange as ABC would go...until the vampire came onto the screen. A vampire? A creepy woman who looks like a slutty mail order bride...with fangs? FANGS?
But let's be real here. We watched this to see the slap...which was so ridiculous of a moment. But let's be honest - you could have gotten all of that from the commercials.
This whole show was like watching a reality show implosion. It's everything that is bad about reality shows. The pre-taped long pauses, the over-the-top personalities that are there only to fight with each other, and the vampire. I mean, really guys...a vampire? Are we on the WE channel? Come on.
Moral of this story: I will not be watching this show for a myriad of reasons but the main reason is that I have no interest in watching this overly self-deprecating man go on his quest to redeem his Achilles heel of being with someone. This isn't even bad TV in the "can't not watch it" variety.