Sunday, December 5, 2010

My mind-belly

What do you do when you're angry? Not irritated and not frustrated or flustered, but all out angry. What do you do? I think each person deals with their anger in a different way.
I usually let it simmer for a few minutes. I mean, it makes sense to let it boil and become something tangible so that I can properly dispose of it. It's not healthy to be an angry person so allowing it to fester isn't a viable option. But I let it boil for a minute or two before I either get on the phone or on the computer to email. Then I let it out. On someone unrelated to the cause of the anger. The heading of the email usually reads "I chose you" or something ethereal and lofty like that. And then I let it out. And once I've poured out all that was boiling, I'm usually okay.
Today, I'm angry. I'm really really mad. And I'm frustrated. And I think the mixture of anger and frustration creates a sort of psuedo-hurt feeling in my chest. Like my feelings have been damaged even though they haven't really been. Or maybe they have. Maybe the self-worth that I place on myself and the differing opinions of self-worth placed on me by others has ultimately hurt my feelings and compounded an irritation to become a frustration and then eventually to anger. I don't know.
But I'm angry at the moment and this is part of me letting it out. I'll be better soon, but for now, I'm pouring the boiling waters of my mind-belly out.

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