Thursday, September 30, 2010

It's what we do.

Me and two of my best friends. SANGIN.

My 50 Cents worth

You know what's upsetting about this besides the fact that he (50 Cent) actually said this? The fact that it's being re-tweeted by 100+ people.
I don't care what you believe. I don't care what you think. You've got to at least have a little more respect for other people than this. He makes Kanye look like the saint he believes himself to be.
It's wildly offensive and I don't care how many muscles he packs on to look all tough. He's disgusting. Actually, he really is gross. I read through his twitter feed and the stuff that he says on there is really really disgusting. Even I, who am not shocked by much, was grossed out that someone would say those thing in public where millions of people can read it. But as he so eloquantly put it, "at least he's still rich." Yes. Because that's what matters.

The big day is Today.

I woke up, turned on the TV to the Today Show and they are doing their Today Show wedding. Uh...I have questions about this.
Now, who wouldn't want Meredith Vierra, Al Roker and Matt Lauer to give you a toast at your wedding? I mean, that's fun right? But everything else about it seems so awkward. I mean, it just seems so weird. You've got this day that you've dreamt about for years and rather than it being just about you and your significant other, its filled with producers and TV cameras. I mean, that's weird right? And there isn't really room for the reception because of the production crew in the way. Is that really how you want to remember your wedding?
I mean, I think it's weird even in the realm of the reality TV culture that we live in. Can we not have anything to ourselves anymore? Why does everything have to be so widely broadcast to the world? I mean, its okay that we keep something outside the realm of public scrutiny. It's just something that I don't understand.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

On a serious note...

It seems that over the past few days, there have been multiple reports of gay kids either trying to kill themselves or succeeding. I don't know why this is happening all of the sudden, but it upsets me. It breaks my heart actually.
Listen. I've never wanted to kill myself. I've never been in that place where I've felt that hopeless or felt like the only way out was just to end it. So it breaks my heart to hear about these young pre-teen boys who are being bullied at school for being gay and they feel like the only way to overcome it is to kill themselves.
I guess there's so much press out there about equality in America but it's stories like this that show that America isn't as open as some pundits would want us to believe. Perhaps this is why DADT wasn't repealed? There's still so much of America that isn't accepting? I dunno.
I was bullied in junior high. I mean, I had kids making fun of me for a myriad of reasons and there were days when I did cry on the bus on the way home because of what the dumbass kids at school said to me. Sure. I wasn't good at sports (I hadn't figured out my dominating excellence in broomball yet) and I wasn't particularly smart in class (I mean I guess I'm smart now but then...eek). I got in a lot of trouble during my 7th grade year (you'll read all about it in my memoir eventually) and I really had a rough go of it, again, for a myriad of reasons. But I had my faith to lean on.
I will say. As I get older, there are certain areas of my life that I find it hard to lean on that faith about, and there have been times when I've been hurt so badly by others that even that faith seems to not fill that cut. But I guess I've always known, somewhere, even in those dark times, that there was a bigger plan at work here. Well, that and I realized that other people's opinions are inferior to me, that I'm generally wittier than the majority of the populous and that without my (sometimes uncontrollable) ability to just say exactly what I think without any form of self censorship, the world would be a less truthful place.
I guess, I wish I could tell these kids that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. That they don't have to kill themselves. So what who they like? We're all completely scrambled when we are in junior high. No one has it together. They are the most bizarre people group on the planet. But killing yourself isn't the way out. Forking the yards of those mean kids? That's the answer. General acts of vandalism. That's the key. Or, you can do what I've been doing for over a decade. You can kill them with kindness, all the while knowing that in the end, you will end up on top. (insert obvious gay joke here) But these kids can make it. Millions of us made it. There's hope. Trust your faith. And at the end of the tunnel there's a light.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I love that there was more hype over this episode of Glee, and let's face it, last week's episode of Glee was real bad, so it has needed some good blood in it.
I mean, when Kurt said, "Britney Spears IS pop culture," he was right. And right now, Glee is a part of that pop culture, even though it's really a fumbley show. We don't have to go into the fact that the whole sending them to the dentist thing was a real stretch and didn't make any real sense at all. But redoing the videos was really something that was wonderful. I mean, these are the videos that all current female videos are based on these days. I mean, it's true. Female videos look the way they do now because of Britney. And watching them do Baby One More Time was something that was really special. I mean, I remember when that video came out. I remember being obsessed with it and learning all the dancing. I remember where I was the first time I heard Oops. I remember skipping out of class early to get home to watch the VMAs when she debuted Slave.
She's important and has remained that way. Even with her bout of crazy, she remained important and I don't really know why. I mean, I think people just like her. At their core, they just like her. They root for her. And that hasn't changed since she got a bit crazy. What happened when she released her last album? It went to number one and so did Womanizer. Then her tour sold out. She's still important.
Which is why it's a big deal that this episode is about her and it's why everyone has made a big deal out of it. Because she's a bigger deal than the show she's on.
I do wish the show was better and that the songs they used made sense with what was going on, rather than just being thrown in there. I felt the same way about Promises, Promises on Broadway. I also find it interesting that much of the pop culture references are from the late 80s and early 90s. Not exactly time periods that the target audience is familiar with. I mean, I thought the Blossom and Kids Incorporated comments were funny, but then I get that reference. I guarantee the high school kids watching this show did not get it.
But let's give it up to the writers for finally getting something right. When Rachel is waking up and asks, "is this real life?" that was genius. Spoofing youtube. Genius.
I would also like to give Lea Michele mad props for that Paramore song because she was infinitely better than the girl that actually sings is. I mean, come on Hayley. Why suck so terribly? Why do it? Learn from Britney. Learn to be better than everyone else.

Why live TV is amazing

You know that this is the best thing ever.
And you know that it's what we wish would happen in America but Austraia has beat us to it.
They announced the wrong winner's name! How is that not the absolute best thing that's ever happened? I mean really. It just awesome. And what's more awesome is that the two girls kinda look just alike so I probably would have done the same thing. And then the host, who was fed the wrong name through her monitor, you've got to feel just terrible for her because it looks like it was all her fault. I love this. Just love it. Love it with me won't you?

Monday, September 27, 2010

My category

A commercial for Jeopardy just asked me "What's your category?"
Like, the commercial said, "Here are some of the categories from this week" and then it listed them off. Then it ends the commercial with "What's your category?"
What kind of a question is that? First, it's a terrible thing end a commercial on seeing as that's not something that most of us think about on a daily basis. What's my category? I don't care for categories. Not one bit. I mean, I don't care for categories, labels or stereotypes. I sometimes get really mad when people fit a stereotype because I want so badly for them not to.
So I don't want to answer that question. I don't want to answer the question of what my category is. What a stupid thing to say to me. But since you asked...
I'm in the category of people that thinks that Dancing with the Stars is idiotic television but you can't turn it off. There. That's the category I am.

Come on girls.

What's wrong with these girls? I ask you. What is wrong with them? Why can't they ever seem to get it together? I think this is a classic example of the question: Why be ugly?
Why? It's like these girls have lost their actual professions and have just decided to be ugly on a consistant basis. Rihanna? Do I need to call Glozell? I mean, come on. What's with the cracked out Ronald McDonald hair? Who said that's okay? I mean, you are going to look back on this and ask yourself why. Why? Why did I do that?
And Christina. Why? Why are you wearing Barbie hair that's been combed out one too many times? Why? And you're all trying to bring curvy back. You know what that means? It means you put on weight. Just own it. Say, "I'm 10 pounds heavier because all I did was eat when my album went down like the Hindenburg." Just say that. And get away from the self-tanner. Just get away from it. It looks bad. You look bad. And while I know you have a long history of looking bad, stop it. Just stop.
So no. I don't understand what's going on with these girls. I just wish they'd stop it because all of this ugly is such an eye-sore. I had to watch Glozell just to get some clarity on the subject.
I just think there are so many beautiful things in this world, why wouldn't you want to be one of them? I wear a tie to work almost every day? Do I have to? No. But I do because it looks good. How do I understand this and they don't?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Riverside Drive

I love when things come full circle.
I love it.
Last night, when I was watching You've Got Mail, quoting every line and enjoying an absolutely defining sense of self, I realized that Tom Hank's apartment is only a few doors down from Liz Lemon's.
Just a few doors down. I love that. I love that two things that I love that are so separate from each other can be so unified. My You've Got Mail obsession began when I was a teenager. I mean, I loved this movie from the time I was 16 years old. Now, 30 Rock is the new obsession and there it is. The same street.
It's no surprise that it's the small things that are so great in life. This is just an example of something that's very small that made me feel really really great inside.
And you know what? I think that we should take every opportunity that we can to enjoy the small things. Sometimes, life is just too big. Sometimes, we are just too obsessed with big things and we need to take a little time and enjoy the View...I mean, the small things. We need to take the moment it takes to process the small things and just let it be. Small things like freshly sharpened pencils...


I kinda wish I could get new friends through an application process. Wouldn't that be great? If people just put in an application to be your friend and they had to come and interview for the job.
What would be on the application you might ask? I'm so glad you did.

1. Name and nicknames people call you. Not what you want to be called, but rather, what people call you. I need to know if I'm entering pet-name territory.
2. What television do you watch? If this answer is left blank, your application will not be processed.
3. What are your two favorite songs? Only two.
4. What are your top four favorite movies? If Twilight is on the list, you need not apply. While I am friends with people who like Twilight, the movies have no place in anyone's top four. For any reason. Whatsoever.
5. Tell me one time you literally burst into tears.
6. What is your opinion on the color orange?
7. What is your opinion on the number 6?
8. What is your opinion on Britney Spears?
9. What is your opinion on laughing for an hour for no reason? In a public place. Disturbing others. Pointless?
10. The last question is more of an interactive response. I feel like that person should have to sing. I just need to know if I'm dealing with someone that I can harmonize with.

If you noticed, there were some traps in there. Obviously. I mean, I gotta know right. You hate Britney? Dealbreaker. You don't care for the number 6? Dealbreaker. Twilight? Dealbreaker.
But then I thought, what if this person passes the first portion of the test? Shouldn't there be a follow-up interview? I mean, there are things that we need to know!
Like, I need to know if they like Mary Murphy, or coconut flavored things, or whether they prefer Jim Carrey in comedic or dramatic roles. I need to know if they sing in the car. I need to know if they watch sports and then post on Facebook the play-by-play (dealbreaker). I need to know these things. You don't like dogs? What? You don't think Amy Poehler is funny? What? You think 30 Rock is overrated? Absolutely not. You honestly believe that Rihanna is a good singer? I feel bad for you.
Perhaps it's for the best that an application isn't necessary. Apparently I'm high maintenance. I've learned something about myself here today. My friends are not all clones of me. That would be a lot. A LOT. But the harmonizing thing is important.

Another one bites the dust

Confession. I de-friended someone on Facebook today because they were ugly.
Well, maybe that's not the only reason. They're obnoxious too. And the obnoxiousness of this person was really the reason they got the ax, but the final nail that broke the camel, the final straw that broke the coffin, was a new batch of pictures that were posted in which they looked so ugly that I made a really ugly (why-make-it) face when I saw them on my feed.
And let me tell you, there was no deliberation. It was an immediate reaction. I had to get rid of this person so they will no longer clutter my Facebook feed with their unique brand of obnoxious ugly. We aren't friends anyways. I mean, we met somewhere, passed each other in certain circles and stuff, but we aren't friends. So really, am I being that mean? No. I'm not.
And I'm just telling the truth here. Would you want to wake up and see ugly on your Facebook feed first thing in the morning? Absolutely not. Don't you judge me.

Texas our Texas

You know I don't usually cover sports on here but I did want to make a mention of this. The Texas Rangers are going to the playoffs for the first time in like 11 years or something. I'd like to explain why that's a big deal.
Because growing up, the Rangers have been real bad. I mean, when there are five dollar seats and even those are no where close to being sold out, you've got a problem.
But they've been knockin em' out of the park this year. Literally. And as of yesterday, they are headed to the playoffs.
I really do love baseball games. Not because I love the sport. I don't. But I just like being there. The atmosphere is so great. Live sporting events are just always so much more fun than watching them on TV. Honestly, watching baseball on TV is one of the least fun things in the world to me. Football I can watch on TV but baseball? No. But being there is so fun. All the shouting, the over-priced ballpark foods, dancing around during the 7th inning stretch or if you are me and my friends, dancing around and making it onto the big screen at Baylor games. Yes.
So congrats to the Rangers. Don't drop the ball now.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Pop goes the burger

So we went to the trendy Pop Burger and it did not disappoint. Lil burgers (in my case, turkey burgers) in lil boxes? That constitutes a burger win.

Do you know the Muppet man?

So there's only one place in the world that you can make your own Muppet and we stumbled upon it at FAO Schwartz. What started with two people saying "That's the coolest thing I've ever seen..."
 ...progressed to two people checking how one would go about making a Muppet...
 ...and then I'm pretty sure this was the exact moment when Danielle decided that she was going to do it.
 Signing off on the Muppet that she created. Note the giant green feather pen.
 James the Muppet man starting the process.
 Please believe that James was as much a Muppet as the Muppets he makes.
 Just one last touch.
 BOOM. Sheila the Muppet (she's from Hair)
 And then me with a Muppet there. I just had to have a picture with one. It's my blog. Shut up.

In case there was a question...

This is what a Red, White and Blue Pina Colada looks like. And yes. It tastes like the color pink. Most delicious thing I've ever had.

Come see me in the city. I know you want to go to there.

I met two women.

I met two really cool women today, one of which has been a part of my life since I got my very first DVD player. That's right. I said it. We go way back.
I am interning at an Off-Broadway theatre right? Well, two women came to performances of shows today that really just made my day.
Perhaps the most notable of them is Ruby Dee. She has been a dominant figure in black movies and black culture for decades and was nominated for an Oscar a few years ago. She is friends with the playwright and she came to see the show. So that was really cool to meet her. I was scared that if anyone touched her, she'd shatter into a million pieces...she's all kinds of old...but still. To my knowledge, she didn't shatter.

The second woman is Lois Smith, someone you may not know the name of but you certainly know her face. That's because she was Aunt Meg in Twister! I mean, come on. That's pretty freakin cool. I mean, Twister was the dopest movie when it came out. I mean, who can forget "Cow." Right?! I love this movie and it may be all kinds of hokey, but I don't care. Not one bit. It wasn't the first movie I bought on DVD (we all know that was You've Got Mail) but it was perhaps the second.
I didn't get to have conversations with either of these women, and that's alright. I just thought it was cool to be around them for a bit. I met an Academy Award nominee and Aunt Meg from Twister. That constitutes a win.

Some less-popular Disney

Have you seen the Disney movie Ichabod and Mr. Toad? I mean, I've seen Ichabod a ton of times because it used to play around Halloween every year you know? But I honestly don't think I ever saw Mr. Toad, or if I did, I was far too young to remember it.
Here's the basic plot. There is a toad that wants a car and they think he stole it so he is in jail and all of these talking animals (my favorite isn't the Sherlock Holmes-ish swamp rat but the mole. Yes. A mole) are trying to prove he's innocent.
Right. But the problem is, this toad is crazy. And I mean, really really crazy. Like, he perhaps needs to be locked up just to keep him away from endangering the common moles and badgers. I mean, he found every possible place of danger to put himself into and he just went for it with gusto. Crazy ass frog.
If you haven't watched it before, please do so. It's only half an hour long, but it's worth it to understand that amount of crazy that Disney put onto the screen. I mean, he's the stupidest, craziest, most mentally unstable character I've ever seen in a Disney film (which is saying something since I've seen ALL the know, the talkies...)

But before I leave you, can we talk Ichabod for a sec? Has anyone ever actually looked at this character and seen how they destroy him? I mean, they take this man and devastate him. And no one has said anything about it? And that headless horseman is terrifying. Like, the witch in Sleeping Beauty terrifying.
So the end of the two episodes is with a crazy frog and a crazy school teacher. Great moral of the story. Great.

Perhaps (pt. 2)

Perhaps I'm too excited about this...but the Peas are releasing a new album in November! I love my Peas. IF you'll remember back, their concert was LEGIT and I officially became a fan then. Well, bring it on my Peas. Here's hoping that they can top their last album. I'm excited and you should be too. 


Perhaps the best thing that's happened to music since Glee did Don't Stop Believin. Here's hoping that it fits in well with the first one, perhaps the most iconic Christmas album of the last thirty years. Perhaps this is where we get our diva back. Perhaps the photoshopping of this picture deserves an award.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Another thing I don't understand

I'm a little unclear about this whole Don't Ask Don't Tell issue. I mean, I have real questions about it. Perhaps you can help.
What's the big deal exactly? I mean, why is it a problem that dudes and dudettes are open about how they live their lives if they are in the military? I mean, they are already serving right? So they're already gay right? So what's the big deal that they are allowed to be open about it? I guess I don't understand.
To be honest, I felt bad for them this week. I felt bad that they lost that in the Senate this week. It just seems so simple to me and I don't really understand the rationale behind it.
Are they afraid that more gay guys will join the military? Don't they need more service men and women anyways? So what's the problem? And I really have a problem with kicking people out of the military for being gay. I don't understand that at all. I wish someone would explain that to me so I could get a grasp on why they think that's okay.
I suppose it's all basis of the 'good-ol'boys' who are running the military and their desire not to change things. I've never been a fan of the good-ol-boy mentality really so it makes sense that it would irk me. I mean, I've known men that kinda have that air about them. That southern, rough, harsh personality to them that in the south, people somehow find endearing but I find really obnoxious.
So. I keep trying to figure out why this is a big deal and nothing I read from any of the people who voted against it really adds up to making much sense. I guess we just have to add this to the list of things I don't understand in this world.


What is wrong with this girl? For real. What is wrong with her?
And I want to know where the parenting is here. I mean, she clearly has lost her mind. Perhaps someone should lock her in a room until she has decided to play nice with society. I mean, come on girl. I'll never understand these idiot celebrities who have the entire world at their fingertips and they just continue to mess things up. Mess it up once, you're human. Mess it up twice, you're stubborn. But continue over and over again to mess things up and get yourself thrown in jail, then you need help. And that doesn't just apply to celebs either. It applies to all matters of humans who are out there being idiots on a daily basis because they think it's cool, hip, trendy, hood, tough, or some form of deranged accomplishment.


Remember how good the Closer trailer was? I had the song from it stuck in my head all morning and now that I'm listening to it, it makes me think of that trailer. And then that got me thinking about movie trailers that think are incredible, because let's be honest. There are movie trailers that are absolutely exquisite and since the new Harry Potter trailer has just come out and is flawless, I wanted to celebrate a few of the trailers that I really just think are amazing.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Wax on...

I think you should be able to tell who is wax and who is the actual person. I've been to the wax museum here in New York and I had a really great time there. It's just fun to see all the celebs and stuff and take inappropriate pictures with them.
But in this situation, I feel like I wouldn't know who was wax and who wasn't, which is a testament to the artists who made it happen...but come on now Gwen. Perhaps just a little sun. Just a tad. Wouldn't hurt.
We should want to look alive. I think that's something that people in general should consider. Looking alive. Perhaps we throw a smile on our face? Perhaps we wear something that has color in it. Perhaps we get out of the apartment and join the human race. I don't know. I just feel like I see people walking down the street sometimes and I question whether or not they are actually "with us" or not. And of course our high schools are filled with wax replicas of each other because teenagers still haven't figured out that whole "be yourself" thing doesn't have to include shopping at the store of the moment. (for me, it was Abercrombie but whatever) The world is full of wax people. Carbon copies of one another and trying to do whatever they can to maintain that. But the people who stand out and are impressive are the ones that aren't copies of anyone else. The ones who actually take that "be yourself" thing to heart. The ones who aren't wax. Wax off...

It's almost here.

Sometimes, just the mere sight of something can make you extraordinarily happy. Doesn't have to take much. Doesn't have to be a big deal. Doesn't even have to matter all that much. But sometimes, you just see it and it makes you feel great.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Brilliant Fox.

I think that the Idol judges being who they are is a BRILLIANT move on the part of Fox. Here's why.
First off, they aren't trying to replace a certain figure or certain personality on the show and I think that's very smart. No one is ever going to be like Simon or Paula. They just aren't. So, don't try to make the new judges like them.
Second, choosing people who have excelled at what they do. I mean, JLo is flawless at everything, but she's done everything that the Idol hopefuls aspire to do and she's been incredibly successful at doing it. And she, more than anyone, knows how an image can make or break you. Steven Tyler is one of the most famous rock stars ever and while he looks like the Crypt Keeper, "Walk This Way" is one of the best songs ever on the radio.
Third, because it's interesting and strange. Picking these people are strange. They aren't people who are currently at the top of their game, they aren't people who we revere their opinions. This is a completely new slate. Which is what this show needs.
Let's face it guys. The last two years of this show have been really bad with winners who haven't really done much. Does anyone even remember the guy's name who won this year? I mean, what a throw-away year. The media keeps saying that it's been losing steam, but in reality, the only steam it's had in recent years is Adam Lambert.
So I fully support this new panel, especially since we have to listen to Seacrest and his big bag of self-indulgent bulls**t for another however many years. You know I think he's the best TV host out there, but really. The whole homo-erotic arguments that occurred between him and Simon were really taxing. I just wanted them to whip em out and measure so we could move on. Maybe now that he's no longer the diva on the show and JLo is, he will calm it down. We can only hope.
So I applaud Fox for doing something that so many people are going to criticize because I think that theoretically, it works.

Monday, September 20, 2010


There are moments in television that are just brilliant. I feel that those moments are a weekly occurrence on Mad Men and I know that I keep harping on it and talking about how great this show is, but it stands to be doted upon.
Last night's episode was all about the women. The beautiful women that populate this show. As much as this show is all about the men, they've realized that it's the women that actually drive it. This episode provided, what I believe, to be the funniest thing that's ever happened on this show (Don's secretary) and a particularly poignant moment that was both beautiful and heartbreaking.
I think that poignant moments usually are both beautiful and heartbreaking. There is something beautiful in a moment when something breaks inside of you, and while heart break hurts, I really feel like it's that hurt that allows something new to fill in the gaps. I mean you've got to crack an egg to get to the good stuff inside.
This show is beautiful. The day today was beautiful. I met some beautiful people. And I got some frikken awesome news. I choose to believe I lived in the continued poignancy of the moment from Mad Men. Except for the frikken awesome news. That's because I wrote a bad ass paper. That's on me.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

A glimpse at my weekend

'Switch'in it up

I saw The Switch today and it's got me thinking. I understand that they are always looking for new stories to tell and it's not new information that women have conceived babies through alternate means that don't involve sex. I don't think the movie was all that bad really, I enjoyed it. But it wasn't because of the sperm donor story and it wasn't because of Jason Bateman. It was the kid.
This kid was extraordinary. He was who I imagine Rory Gilmore was when she was a kid...and if she were a boy.
But that's not what got me thinking. I was thinking about the whole pregnancy thing. Now, being a member of the sex that doesn't have to deal with havin babies, I don't usually think a lot about it. But one of my close friends from growing up is all kinds of preggo right now so I've been thinking more about it. I understand that the most ideal situation is that there are both masculine and feminine influences in the kid's life. Gotta be balanced right? But, as our culture changes and we are able to do other things through science, what about then?
What happens? Single parents have been raising kids for decades. I guess I just wonder what the difference is between a single mother who had sex and a single mother that didn't. I just wonder about it. I didn't come to any sort of enlightenment about it. Just a casual thought.
Anyways, the movie was alright. The kid stole the show.

Hangin from bars

I love this. I love that there are toddlers hanging from these bars, training to be the next Olympic cheaters...I mean champions. (I had to, it was too easy) They insert their children into this system and the government spits them out as winners. It's like a strange machine, a human machine, where people are being harvested in a Matrix-like way to produce something greater for China. Not producing something greater for the actual person, but for China and for their parents.
In America, we are very much focused on the individual. We applaud Evan Lysacek for winning the gold medal, not his coaches who made him capable. We fault a single actor for the failure of a movie, even though it takes a great many people to produce something as bad as Jonah Hex. We are focused on 'looking out' for ourselves because that's what we've been conditioned to know to do. I mean, in our culture, if you don't take care of yourself, you are going to get run over by everyone else and while it may come across as selfish or self-serving, we have to take care of us first.
Culture is fascinating because it's so polarizing. It's all we see, day in and day out. Being over in London this summer was interesting because it was all about seeing another culture. It's fascinating to exist in and experience what another group of people lives in day in and day out. But these two cultures are both pretty individual-centric. Pretty sure I wasn't hanging off a gymnastic bar as a toddler with the hopes of bringing honor to my family name.
Please. I don't need gymnastics for all that.
My father saves lives for a living. My grandfather owned a club, a radio station, dyed some rabbits green and broke into Doris Day's house. My brother kicked Prince Harry out of a bar in Dallas. My uncle's dad owned the cows that made Blue Bell ice cream possible (suck it Dreyers). Both of my grandfathers were in the service, one raised chinchillas while he did it. My mom is one degree of separation from Patrick Dempsey. We clap for people when they open their Christmas presents and queso is served with EVERYTHING. There's an indian painting in my grandparent's house that's scarier than any movie you've ever seen. My aunt makes sugar cookies that can make grown men weep. My mom is the cool mom that the other kids wished they had and who spent time making sure that premature babies made it til their first birthday. My great-grandfather was richer than God and sang like a Cherokee indian. Me and my sister knock old broads out on the day after Thanksgiving (don't get inbetween us and the DVDs lady) and can quote almost anyone under the table with TV. So see. I've got your honor right there. Those are just some silly kids hanging from bars.

Saturday, September 18, 2010


Montana's GOP policy is to make homosexuality illegal.
I'd love to muse on this subject but I really don't have the words...

Way to fail Montana. Way to fail.


I've come across some really stupid people in my day, and there are some even stupider celebs out there. But I really think that Ms. Lohan has got to be the absolute stupidest of them all.
I mean, after everything, what is this girl doing? Now she's admitted to failing a drug test a couple days ago? Was she not JUST in jail? Was she not JUST in rehab? I mean, what's going on with this girl? Especially when she has all the money in the world. When you have that much money, you don't need to get high to have a good time. Actually, it doesn't matter how much money you have, you don't have to get high to have a good time. (insert that cartoon Sherlock-looking anti-drug dog here)
I think that the world should be collectively done with her. I mean it. I feel like she shouldn't be on magazines, she shouldn't be on news reports, she shouldn't be online. Her twitter privileges should be revoked, she should be banned from any and all industry events and red carpets. The world would be a better place without having to constantly hear about her insane and inappropriate level of tomfoolery.