And I'm not talking about grudges or any sort of lasting bitterness. I just mean that not everything always goes the way we want it to go and when we re-hash it, it causes us to relive it. Is this just me? Whatever.
So I'm hashing and re-hashing which led to thinking and re-thinking which led to processing and re-processing which led me here. To my blog.
What if I'd made different decisions in my life? Have you ever thought about that? What if you'd made different decisions that led you to a different present? I mean, I understand that thinking about this is completely irrelevant and a total waste of time because we can't change the past. But it is interesting to think about sometimes.
So I'm sitting here thinking about the decisions that I've made in the past in relation to the decisions I am making now or will make in the future. How did the decisions I made ten years ago affect where I'm at now and do I want that to be the case ten years from now? I mean, we are supposed to live and learn right? So I'm still learning.
I will say this. Some people have asked me if I would have taken a different route in my collegiate career if I had the chance. No. I wouldn't. Every decision I've made has led me to the next life-changing moment.
One of which, I had today. It's been five years since I interned in New York City. Five years of all kinds of crazy. But before I left, my boss gave me a journal to thank me for the work I'd done up there. (You probably know that I journal) Well, I wasn't finished with the journal that I was currently keeping at the time and so I didn't start writing in the new one. That was five years ago. I lost that journal once I got back to Texas. I mean, I went to one school, then I moved out and I transferred to another school. In that time, somewhere, the journal was misplaced. I honestly thought that it was gone which really sucked because this journal was immaculate. I'm talking Italian leather bound immaculate. But tonight, on the day that I sent out my internship applications for NYC for this fall, I found that journal. How stunning is that? I mean, I saw it hidden behind some photo albums, I grabbed it and had this rush of exhilaration. I love my journals. So the journal that I was given as a gift when I left NYC will be the journal that I begin as I start that new chapter of my life in NYC. Now THAT is stunning.
So I've re-hashed and the next step in this re-hashing will be pulling out old pictures from high school and going through them. Get ready Facebook Photo Uploader! I'm ready to work through my issues!