Monday, May 17, 2010

V-O-I-D

I'm a bit out of sorts tonight. I yelled at someone today. I threw all self-censorship (the small bit I have) and said all the things I wanted to say. Just like in You've Got Mail. Kathleen tells Joe Fox (F-O-X) everything that she's been meaning to say for a long time and when it's all over, she sits down at her computer to write about it.
Which is where this story's at now too.
When most people get older, they embrace new concepts that reshape the way they feel about things. Things that may have been a big deal before might not be a big deal any longer. Things that we thought were real bad may not actually be, things we felt guilty about might not be that big of a deal and our personal convictions about different issues may teeter-totter as we experience life outside the walls of our parents' houses.
Is it a big deal that you're not the person you were four years ago? I guess that depends doesn't it? But the world keeps changing around us and if we don't change with it, we will just get left behind. I'm not the person I was four years ago, but I feel like the changes have been for the better. I know myself more now then I knew myself then. I know what I believe more now than I did when I started college. I know what I believe more now than when I started this year.
There are some things that people have to get to in their own time and in their own way. Those are the things that are most fulfilling. Those are also the things that are most truthful. Living a lie sucks, and dragging other people down with you sucks on an exponential level. So while it takes some people longer to get to the truth, it's important to get there.
I mean, at the end of the movie, she hoped it would be him...and it was. That's after the truth came out. The happy ending couldn't exist under the pretense of a lie.
I stand by the yelling and unlike Kathleen Kelly, I don't have any remorse. Jennifer Hudson changed in Dreamgirls. Good grief, she sang a whole song about it, but she and Beyonce patched it up in the end...on basis of the truth.
So while I'm a bit out of sorts, I'm okay. Things are fine. I'm in a good mood. Life could be so much worse. I have a reason to smile and that reason makes me smile whenever I think about them. So we're good. Me and Kathleen. We're good. And as she'd say, "Good night dear void."

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