Sunday, April 25, 2010


Don't you just love making someone mexican seize? You know, when you scare someone so badly that they throw their hands in the air and shake them like maracas?
Is that too politically incorrect? What would you rather I call it? A hallelujah seize? That will offend someone too. It's kinda like buying mexican rice. I'm sure they will outlaw that name some day too. Kinda like they outlawed the Indian red crayon name. Lame.
Well isn't it great to scare someone that badly? There's a shriek and the hands raise up (dropping whatever was in them) an they shake about. It's fulfilling in a way that words can't really describe, though since this is a blog, I will try.
The feeling of scaring someone like that is akin to seeing an ugly baby that won't let go of a cat's tail as the cat is squealing and trying to get away, and when the baby finally lets the cat go, it runs into a wall and compresses like an accordion, to which the baby says "beep beep what?" It's like that.
Needless to say, it's been a good night.

800 years old

I was the one who fired the first shot at Lexington. Did you know that? The shot that started the American Revolution? Right. I fired that. The History Channel says that is the shot that changed the world.
My friends like to tell me that I'm 800 years old and in this moment, I am coming clean. Yes. I am, in fact, 800 years old. So I've decided to let you in on some of the things that I've kept secret for too long.
Alexander Hamilton? Not that big of a deal. History likes to tell you otherwise, but don't believe it. He just had a good head of hair.
George Washington and the cherry tree? It wasn't cherry. It was apple. But I can see how you'd be confused with all the red fruit.
Speaking of fruit, some people are saying that Thomas Jefferson was gay but I can tell you that he wasn't. No. He just likes black women. Nothing wrong with that. You know who was gay? Benjamin Franklin. How else do you explain a man with a kite? Sure, he fathered over fifty children. You know what I say to that? Father of the movement. Trying to create more in his likeness to populate the new found states.
They're the biggies. I don't know who else you want to know about. Paul Revere was kinda daft, Betsy Ross didn't wear underwear, James Madison was allergic to pork and don't get me started on John Hancock. His power trip is still evident to this day. Take up some more paper please John with your fat signature. Arrogant elitist.
All of this was written in the scrolls of the knights Templar. Did you not see National Treasure? It's like a documentary of my experience.
(paid for by "America: The Story of Us" airing Sunday nights on the History Channel)

Friday, April 23, 2010

5 years in 5 minutes

I just had the most strange hour. The most wonderfully wonderful and terrifyingly sad hour of my life. It was one of those nights when inclusion and exclusion collided in the same moment.
You know, when you have what you need in life, you can forget about some of the more spontaneous joys that can happen when you open yourself up to them. For a while now, I have been in that place where I've had what I needed, but I've started to lose some of those things. I know that's not the popular thing to say, but it's true. We lose things in life. We lose people. Or in some cases, people choose to lose us.
But rather than sulking (it doesn't work for the one-note sad-sack girl in Twilight and it doesn't work for me either), I've started this really strange journey that's full of taking chances on things that I didn't feel that I needed to take chances on before. I started this trek a few months ago and if you've been reading this, you know that's true. And tonight, the trek continued.
You know, I've lived by the principle of the safety net. It wasn't something I borrowed from Carrie but it was definitely something that was solidified by her. (It's in season 6 if you had a question mark about my reference) But my safety net has sorta unraveled, some by my own doing but some out of my control. So I have to make a decision. Do I re-sew the net or drop it all together? There's something exhilarating knowing that there's no net to catch us. Makes me feel like a daredevil or something, but there's always the possibility of falling and crashing. It takes a while to come back from a complete crash. When there's a net there, bouncing back up is much easier.
I don't think I have to make a decision today. It's not something immediate. It's not like the moment the entire cast sings 'take a walk down lonely street.' (Stop it with the reference questioning. All Shook Up. Now do yourself a favor and Look It Up.) I think this is something that will take some time. There are so many changes coming in the near future that I'm going to continue to wait it out.
I realize that I never really said what happened tonight. Nutshell? Something good and then something bad. Something fun and then something hurtful. Something new and then something that's very very old now.
But you know, I keep thinking about the first part, the 'taking the chance' part of tonight, and it makes me smile every time. It's like something I can't control. It just happens. And I love that. So I will go to bed smiling and knowing that when I start to doubt, "there's always me."

Bitter with twitter

I love that we live in a digital age where information can be sent immediately to anyone on the planet basically. I do love that. Clearly, I'm writing this blog. It was immediate media that told me that one of my heroes, Tim Tebow, was drafted to the NFL, giving me a reason to watch a team besides the Cowboys.
So I do love my digital lifestyle. But my love has come back to bite me. Hard.
You see, I haven't watched the Project Runway finale yet. I have been too busy and I haven't watched it yet. I planned on watching it tonight later or tomorrow morning possibly before I go to work. So I've steered clear of all websites that might tell me who won so that I could truly enjoy it when I watched it.
But leave it to twitter to tell me who won. Top tweet when I opened the page. Thank you very much. I hate it when people do that. A couple days ago, someone on facebook posted the Kate got sent home on Dancing with the Stars and I hadn't watched it yet. Not that I care about that silly charade of a show, but I didn't want to know what happened til I fast-forwarded through the commercials on my DVR to get to the end (seriously, I can watch a reality TV results show in about 15 minutes. Don't get me started on how I can fly through an Idol results show with Seacrest and his big bag of BS)
So there is a dark side to our digital lives. A deep dark side. And that darkness bit me tonight. I was blindsided by it. Like being blindsided by a cardboard baby, there's just not a way to recover from it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Summer lovin

It's summer movie season (it's official once Entertainment Weekly's Summer Movie Preview issue comes out) and so I thought I would enlighten you to the films that I am most looking forward to so that you will know where to find me (except for half of the summer, I will be in London so you would have to trek a ways to find me there. But never fear. I will be blogging daily about what's going on over there, people I see, experiences I experience, and people with bad teeth but dreamy accents)

The first film is clearly Iron Man 2. Let's face it, the first one was awesome. It really was. The kind of awesome that comes out of nowhere and you're surprised when the movie is over. AND, it finally gave Paltrow something to do and let's be honest, she needed something to do. What has she done since Shakespeare in Love? She wore a pink dress, won an Oscar for being pretty, and her mother was Will's mom on Will and Grace. She needed to stare at someone in a metal suit.

The next film is Eat Pray Love, the big girlie book that a billion women have read and Oprah called a 'woooooorld wiiiiiiide eveeeeeeeent!' Julia Roberts is in it. That's it. That's enough for me. Next film.

That film is Prince of Persia. Now look, I'm gonna be really honest with you. I don't so much play video games and when the trailer for this movie came out, all I saw was a movie with people fighting. I didn't even compute that it was based on a video game. But that's fine. It is. And I can't wait to see it. And it's got that girl from Clash of the Titans in it. (that movie was only okay. It could have been about fifteen minutes longer to, I don't know, have a story.)

I will see the Sex and the City movie. I don't care what you think of me, I'm gonna go and see it. Here's why. The show is awesome. It's written so well, the characters and likable, and the things they talk about have no boundaries and I love that. So say what you want, I can't wait for it.

Sure there are other movies that will be great this summer but these are the ones that I am headed to regardless. I'll probably see Robin Hood (Crowe looks old and frumpy) and I will of course see Toy Story 3 (how can you not) and I'm willing to bet I will see Knight and Day (Cameron Diaz is still working her way back from The Holiday and I'm ready to like her it's fun to see how much more botox Tom Cruise has in his face since his last movie) Will I learn life lessons from these flicks? Probably so and you know that you will find them all written down right here.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I'm like an X-men

I feel powerful today. Oddly powerful. And I'll tell you why.
I know something that is contrary to what an organization on campus believes to be true. And I can prove it. Does it matter in the scheme of existence? Not even a little bit. But I know I'm right and have it on paper to prove it. So I feel powerful. Like a member of the X-Men.
Have you ever felt powerful? Like you have something that other people don't have? Wolverine felt that way. So did Cyclops. Jubilee felt that way too but she was so young that it didn't really matter. She wasn't even really in the movies. Not that any of those people really matter because they aren't real.
But Wolverine is a little different in that Hugh is real. And I think Hugh is about as close to a superhero as we are going to get. Besides Oprah. But that goes without saying. But for all of his superpowers, we will just have to wait to see if he can make a movie that doesn't involve a superhero. It's been how long since Kate and Leopold? And Someone Like You which has one of my favorite lines in any movie ever? It's been how many years? Too long.
So keep on Hugh. Keep making superhero movies, hosting award shows, dancing on Broadway and making every male on the planet feel really bad about themselves. You truly are a me.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The DaVinci mode

I've been going through a sort of personal renaissance as of late. That's the best way I know to explain it. It's as if everything old is being repainted, re-carved, and re-imagined.
It won't come as a surprise to anyone that I'm an extrovert. An extraordinary extrovert with trumpet burst-like laughter and a lust for life that verges on overzealous and obnoxious. But the truth of the matter is that while I still have all of those qualities (the good and the bad), I've felt things shifting inside of me.
I'm at a very strange place in life. It's not entirely unique, just unique to me I think. My story is about to change. The place I've been at for the past four years is about to be nonexistent and I'm going to be thrust into 6 months of new things before everything will change again. So I'm becoming most accustomed to feeling unsettled. Perhaps it's a defense mechanism. I like structure. As much as I do like a random jaunt to here or there, I like the structure of knowing that my needs are taken care of. For the next 6 months, I won't be assured of that. That's equal parts exciting and terrifying.
But I feel like the sands inside of me are shifting. I feel like there was a hole in my faith and over the past week, the barriers collapsed in on themselves and filled up that hole. Things have been shifting and I don't feel bad about the shifts.
I'm not complaining about these new things and the changes going on. It's just going to be a wild ride for the foreseeable future and I'm not gonna put on any semblance of a seat belt. And yes, I plan on texting while riding this ride. Take that Oprah!

(Yes, I understand how metaphor-rich this blog is, but I blame the renaissance. And yes, that sculpture is 'Ugolino and His Sons' by Jean-Baptiste Carpeaux. Made in 1861, it's not a renaissance sculpture but it's my favorite at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York and I included it here just because I wanted to. A little culture never hurt anyone. )

Friday, April 9, 2010

Exposing myself

I have three things that I don't like today. Three. So I want to retitle this blog and call it: Strange Things That I Don't Like.
Well, that's really not the right title. How's this: Normal Things That I Strangely Don't Like

That's better.

First, I don't like Hershey's chocolate syrup. I know. How can I not like Hershey's syrup? I know. As a kid, I loved it, but now, I don't want it at all unless it's in milk and then, it's really just an additive thing and not the main course.
No. I don't care for Hershey's syrup.

Second, I don't like salad. I know. How can I not like salad? I never ate it as a kid and so I never acquired a taste for it I guess. It's a staple food but it's not a staple for me. I don't like lemons in my water either. I feel like that's on par with salad. It's normal to get a lemon in your water but I don't care for it one bit.

Third, I don't like missing people. I don't like the feeling of wanting to be with or around someone and not being able to. It's almost crippling because there's nothing I can do about it but it's a very real thing.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Lost it much?

There are times when things get away from us. I'm not talking about dogs or time. No, I'm talking about dreams, ambitions, secrets and rumors. I find that we fully realize when things have gotten away from us when we are alone with nothing but our thoughts. It's then that there is a realization that something has gotten away from us.
I'm not talking about a loneliness induced realization. No. I'm just talking about a realization that happens when you're alone and there isn't someone else there to keep your mind thinking about other things.
I realize none of the above matters.
Something got away from me today and it wasn't the way I wanted it to get out. If it had been a sitcom, there would have been a really funny quip that followed it or something that would have made it better. I could just imagine Phoebe being there to say something outlandish or Tracy Morgan running in wearing a spacesuit or something. But there wasn't. Just me and my thought. My singular thought.
On Lost tonight, there was this moment when the two timelines merged together and there was this glimmer of hope for the remaining six episodes of the series. So for me, I'm waiting for that glimmer. I'm waiting for things to merge again. But for now, it's just trying not to fall into the hole that was opened for me. Cryptic much? Much.

Monday, April 5, 2010

That brother Chucker

I'm Chuck Bass.
Well I'm not. But I wish I were.
See, I have a problem. I care more about Chuck Bass than I care about most real people. I am more invested with him than I am with most other people. He's going through a rough time right now and I feel bad for him.
Why is it that people on television are so much more interesting than most people in the real world? Perhaps that question was too simple to answer.
But here I am, deeply entrenched in Chuck's life on my television. And he just got his heart broken so I'm sitting here questioning my life.
Yes. I AM that bored this evening. Or is Chuck just that much more interesting? Much like the Tootsie Pop, the world may never know.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Put on your Sunday clothes...

Easter Sunday. I have a couple questions about this day.
A) Aren't we supposed to be celebrating the reason for this holiday on a daily basis? Right? Isn't that the point? So why do we make a big deal out of one singular Sunday? Everyone paints their best Easter faces on, puts on new clothes and makes a big deal out of this day. Which brings me to my next point.
#2. Why new clothes? Why do we get new clothes on Easter? I mean, we take this day, that is supposed to be focusing all on one thing, and we instead dress up so that we can focus on ourselves? Not that I didn't do it as a kid too mind you. I did. It was a great way to get new dress clothes. But now, I dress this way a lot, so it's not that big of a deal anymore. Plus, I don't think God gives a crap what we wear anyways. I know. Shocking doctrine there. But I'm pretty sure it's true.
And C) Well, C is more of a comment than anything else. If you happen to be sitting next to me in church, and your phone rings once, fine. I can get past that. You forgot to turn the ringer off. I mean, be smarter than that, but it happens to everyone. If you happen to be sitting next to me in church, and your phone rings again, should have turned it off already. So that warrants the slight gaze out of the corner of my eye. But if you happen to be sitting next to me in church, and your phone goes off once again, that warrants a full on, Ellen-inspired head turn and stare. How else will they learn? Yes, thrice did the phone emote whatever R&B song was the ringtone and thrice, she refused to turn the ringer off.

So I think Easter isn't as big of a deal to me as it is to other people. Did I just lose my Christianity Card for saying that? I just think we should think as strongly about this on a daily basis as we are told we should on this one day. I also don't really understand when this day became about being with your family. I don't really get that either. If you celebrate the day like it's intended to be celebrated, isn't that a very internal experience? When did it become about "spending time with the ones you love?"
I promise I'm not bitter, just wondering. I've also decided that I will probably wear Chucks every Easter from here on out. Spend 100 dollars on your shoes. That's fine. But as for me and my house, we know that Jesus would probably rather us be comfortable in church. And we were.

Baby I swear it's deja vu

I relived my childhood yesterday. It was like pieces of my upbringing were flying at me like shards of glass and I can see my terrified reflection in the glass before it ripped through me. You've seen Spider Man 2 right? You know that moment after Doc Ock loses control of the energy algae thing and all the glass shatters and Donna Murphy can see her reflection in the glass before it kills her brutally but because it's only PG-13, all you see is her falling to the ground? Right. Like that.
Except I'm still here.
Really, today has been a testament to survival. It's funny how once we look back over our lives, we are able to pick and choose what was right for us and what was a tad bit crazy. Yes. I am able to admit that there used to be some crazy on my face.
So as I held onto the roller coaster that was the out-of-body experience of seeing my life play itself out, I held my breath, hoping for it to be over soon. It's kinda terrifying to see how you grew up and where you are at now, even if you really like where you are at now. I'm comfortable with where I am now too, or at least getting there.
But I think that we should all have to go through that horrifying moment of assessing our childhoods as long as we take note of what we look like in the shards of glass flying at us. It's important to see how we've changed.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Shots on a Thursday night

I've been taking pictures lately and wanted to share some of them. These are a mix of some shoots I've had for work mixed with some All-University Sing photos from this spring at Baylor. I will have some more to put up soon.