Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I want to be a producer

Watching the Kennedy Center Honors this evening, I have decided that I want to get one of those rainbow ribbons pined to my suit jacket. I don't really know how I am going to make that happen yet, but my quest has begun.
I mean, all the greats have received the honor. Beyonce sang to Tina Turner, Idina Menzel sang to Barbara Striesand and tonight, Matthew Broderick sang to Mel Brooks. In order to get it, you have to have made some sort of undeniable contribution to the pop culture landscape in America and I don't mean Kate Gosselin. I mean that I want to make the kind of contribution to the world that warrants that sort of recognition.
It has less to do with being recognized and all of that and more to do with affecting that many people in a positive way. I don't need people to stand and cheer for me. That doesn't really mean anything in the long run. But affecting so many people that the surviving Kennedys and their Center think you should be honored with a rainbow ribbon and sit with the President, well that's something.
So I've now begun my quest. Operation change America and be honored by the Kennedy Center has begun.

Days go by and still I think of you

Dallas was covered in snow again today. That makes the second time in a week that Dallas Texas has been covered in snow. Is this some kind of a record?
It's actually been a rather full day. I ate avocado, got asked if I was a hairdresser, bought silver shoes, spent time in a store where everything was burnt orange. Oh, and I spent time with a friend I haven't seen in 4 years.
So much has gone on in my life since I saw him last. I have transferred schools, graduated once, working on a new degree, have a new group of friends and a new worldview to go with it. I've sang in front of thousands of people, been to every major city in Texas, experienced Christmas in New York, and had my heart broken.
But you know, today, it wasn't as if there were years inbetween seeing each other and as much as change is a good thing, it is refreshing to know that not much has there. If anything, we know more now than we did the last time we saw each other in person.
I know that everyone has those people in their lives and it's so thrilling when it doesn't matter how much things have changed, it's just like picking up where you left off. For me, I have a handful of those people...a large handful. I've been extremely blessed in that arena. I think, when I look back over the decade that was, the most important things that I will take away from it are the people who have made it so dynamic. Well, that and Moulin Rouge.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Disappointment

Perhaps I set myself up to be disappointed. I think I do.
You know, I count on a great many things. Television is easy to count on because it keeps coming on. Perhaps that is why the writer's strike was such a big deal 2 years ago. It took something that people counted on and prevented it. A constant became a variable.
We can count on movies to be there, filmmakers are always in the market for making money. We can count on music to be producing something that they think people will like. There will always be authors writing something fictitious for us to buy into, there will always be conflict for the news to report on and there will always be a God to believe in.
But people. There's something that won't always be there. One day they are, one day they're not.
So I set myself up for disappointment because I rely on people. I'm not completely reliant on others, I mean I enjoy being alone and having that time by myself. But there are times that you really just need someone else and if they don't deliver...disappointment. Much like the disappointment I felt when Wolverine was over. Really? That's the best we could do Marvel? And I love the X-Men movies (save for the stuff that they messed up in the third one) but I was so disappointed in that movie. I usually have to think about movies for a day before I am able to make a judgment call on them but when that movie was over, I remember thinking how disappointed I was in it.
I do forgive those who disappoint me and I even forgave Hugh for Wolverine, but it doesn't change the fact that I was let down. No one likes to feel let down. But, learning from one of the biggest songs of the year that no one will remember a few years from now, 'if it knocks you down you just get back up when it knocks you down.'

Look out.

I think that King Arthur is one of the most underrated movies of the last decade. I've been doing a lot of thinking about this past decade and what was a big deal and what wasn't and what wasn't a big deal was King Arthur and really, it should have been.
There's nothing really wrong with it, but for some reason, people didn't get on board with it. I saw it three times in the theater. There aren't that many movies I can say that about. Moulin Rouge, Anchorman, and King Arthur. I'm sure there are a few others, but it doesn't matter.
Why are some things big deals and others are not?
I guess we can make things big deals when we want to. So many times, we look back on stuff years later and realize that it wasn't that big of a deal at all, but in the moment, it was very important. Example? Jessica Simpson. Who cares about her anymore? No one except her father. She was a very big deal and now, can you think of one reason why? You can't. Look out Rihanna. You're next.
I've got some big deals in my life right now and now I'm over-analyzing them to figure out if they should be big deals or not. That's scary. I'm thinking that about a few people in my life too. Big deals or not. If they're not, then I should probably rethink their involvement in my day-to-day huh? Look out. You could be next.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I put on my Sunday clothes

So I'm at church and I am blogging. My mother is sitting next to me and probably mad that I am blogging during the sermon. But here is the reason. A son was called out from the pulpit because he was home from the military. Slowly, the crowd rose to their feet. in kind of a physical slow clap, and recognized him for fighting for our country. I realized that he is in the row right behind me so now I am turning and staring as i applaud someone who is doing something that I could never do myself. After the applauding was over, his father told the congregation, with tears in his eyes and a tremble in his voice, that this is the first time in 15 years that his son has been home for Christmas.
You know, I love my family but I see them every year. I got great gifts but after Christmas is over, I have moved onto what I am gonna wear to New Years. But for them, this Christmas will never end for them. The memory of this week will stay with them forever.
The pastor is talking about letting go, about letting go of the past and all of that. He's a nice lookin guy, wearing a vest (mine's better but whatever), and he is talking about letting go. It makes sense. Even if you aren't churchy or anything, 'letting go' makes sense. What does that have to do with the military son? I'm sure his father and mother have let go of 15 years of not having their family for Christmas.
I have things to let go of too. And this year, I am going to work on letting them go and not watching them fly away. I have grudges, I have disappointments, I have desires to watch 24. I have to let those things go.
And I will. (my mother is nudging me and you know, if momma ain't happy...)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

You say that like it's a bad thing

Self-numbing. I'm not talking about alcohol, well, not really. We escape into things don't we? Of course some people choose the liquid numbing agents, some choose those that you can inhale. I choose films.
There's nothing like disappearing into a good film, a new world that doesn't have anything to do with what's going on inside of my life. And let me tell you, I've got things going on upstairs.
But that's alright and I will tell you why. It's the holiday movie season. The best films of the year are coming out and are ready for me to disappear into. I especially love the films that go on to win Oscars, the ones that the general public doesn't usually see. You know the ones. The ones that are labeled "artsy." It's in those films that I am able to think the hardest. Escape the deepest.
Of course I don't like in a land of delusion, I know that this doesn't fix any problem or make things change in real life. But for a few hours, it's okay and I can be challenged to think. And I like that.

Friday, December 25, 2009

My Christmas Story

As I sit here watching 24 hours of A Christmas Story, looking at the heavy blanket of snow that is covering the backyard, seeing the bags from the gifts that we received this evening, Christmas is kinda thrown up all over us. As much as Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, there really isn't anything that compares to Christmas, and each year, I feel like it sneaks up on me and I think to myself, "it feels like just yesterday that we were in Christmastime last year."
I think my heart is heavy this year for a handful of reasons, but that shouldn't matter. I really love spending time with my family and my extended family. I mean, tonight, my aunt whacked my grandmother in the face with a dog toy, I sang "O Holy Night" while my sister played the piano, my father sang a Louis Armstrong inspired "Jingle Bells," my aunt did science experiments, and my cousin did an inappropriate dance to Flo Rida's "Low." And that was just Christmas celebration number one. Who knows what could happen tomorrow.
Tomorrow. We will wake up and there will be snow all over the ground. I don't know that I have ever woken up to snow outside before. I am actually having a white Christmas. That's really poetic and wonderful.
What's also wonderful is at the end of A Christmas Story, when they are in the Chinese food restaurant after their dinner was completely ruined, they are having the best time. It tells us that no matter what goes wrong, all that you need are the people you love and a little optimism. I love that.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas eve

People who live up north take snow for granted. I understand that it becomes a burden and after the first snow, it can be obnoxious to have to deal with it on a daily basis. But for we southerners, snow is really a spectacular sight.
In Texas, we don't so much get the snow. Well, the Dallas area doesn't so much get the snow. I mean, I remember one year that it iced over and we all thought it was snow, but it wasn't. It was ice.
But today, on Christmas Eve, it is snowing in Dallas. It's coming down on us and it's beautiful. I realize that this is a white Christmas. It probably won't stick or anything, but it's really beautiful to look at. We will just forget the fact that we keep hearing ambulance sirens in the distance.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Mr. Independent

I used to not be a very independent person. I was dependent on other people and when I wasn't around them, I didn't function very well. I feel like there is a point in most teenagers' lives when they figure out how important friends are and they figure out the opposing concepts of needing people and being needed.
As we grow older, we are trying to find the balance between the two. Some people tilt on one side or the other, but the point is to land somewhere in the middle.
Over the past few years, I've figured out where that middle is for me. While I love my people and I love having them around me, I've learned how important it is that I spend time alone.
I think it started when I lived in New York. I remember the first night I was there, I've never felt so alone. I stood on the roof of the building, listening to Times Square and thinking that I was this tiny person in this enormous world. Of course that changed as the summer went on. I made friends but I also learned the importance of being alone. I would take long walks through Times Square by myself, people watching, soaking up the atmosphere, and thinking. It changed me. I like my alone time now. Just me and a movie. Or just me and some music. I don't need to be needed all the time anymore. That's no way to live life.
Yes. I understand that this sounds like the the moral story of a Boxcar Children book, but it doesn't make it any less true.
It's okay to be alone. It's okay to not be needed all the time. How better to learn about yourself than to spend time with you? Now Now this sounds like the end of a Reading Rainbow episode.
I won't go on any further with it for fear of turning into an after school special from the 80s.

Rollin with the homies

I'm shocked at how upset and saddened I am by hearing about Brittany Murphy's death this morning. I mean, I read about it on people.com and I immediately started searching other websites to find out if it was true. Finally, msnbc said it was.
I know this isn't anything like the day that Michael Jackson died. He is an icon and she' s not. But my generation did kinda grow up with her. She was never the biggest deal in the world and she wasn't any sort of superstar, but I mean, she was in Clueless.
Clueless. THE movie that defined the 90s. Never was there a better representation of the dynamic culture of the decade than in the film Clueless. The acting's not great but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because of the insane clothing and the hyper-representation of culture. And there she was. The chubby homely girl who got in with the in-crowd and found happiness despite it. That was before she was the normal looking pretty girl, followed by the super-skinny mummy-looking girl, and before she became the eccentric crazy girl that dated Ashton Kutcher.
Look, I don't know what she was like as a person or anything. She might have sucked as a human being. But what I do know is that she left us Clueless and that is a good place to leave us in. I will probably watch that film today, as my personal tribute to an actress in the most defining film of my favorite decade. That and I love when Cher says she's riding the crimson wave and had to haul ass to the ladies.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Ya look good.

There's a Golden Girls marathon on today. I'm there.
So Dorothy tells Stan to come back because she'll need someone to fasten her pearls.
He smiles and asks, "The ones I gave ya?"
She smiles and replies, "No. The real ones."
Cut to laugh track.

It got me thinking. If she had fake pearls, no one would know that they were fake if she chose to wear them. I guess the same thing goes for purses and shoes I guess, depending on how good the fake is. So if it looks the same and people can't tell the difference, then why spend the money on getting the real thing.
But it dawned on me. Last year, I was performing and I was wearing Michael Kors. Not a knock off, but the real thing. And I felt great about myself. It was a psuedo-running joke that I was wearing the Michael Kors, but in reality, it made me feel better about myself because I was. No one in the audience knew. It wasn't like I was wearing a blinking sign that said "He's wearing Michael Kors! Look at him! Project Runway!" But I felt great about me.
That's what fashion is about really. Really, it's about making people feel good about themselves. And I know this is true because I've watched The September Issue. Anna Wintour might be a scary figure in the world, but she knows what people want to wear to feel good.
This of course is all coupled with the fact that I am working on putting together my New Years outfit and I plan to be especially bangin looking. Why? Not because I am trying to impress those in attendance at the gala. Not to impress my best friends (God knows I'm not impressive to them). No. I do it to impress myself. To feel great about looking great. We do things to make ourselves feel great.
This is much like in You've Got Mail. When you order your coffee in the morning.
"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self."
We all need that definition of self sometimes. It wouldn't hurt to look great while obtaining the definition.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Frosty the slowman

In watching the old Frosty the Snowman cartoon, I am instantly reminded of the many days of my childhood that I watched this VHS tape, recorded by my parents in the 80s. It's always fun to watch things that you loved as a kid once you are considerably older because the experience is one part nostalgia and one part realizations. Realizations that you are much older and you aren't five anymore. Well, there are other realizations as well.
The first being that Frosty was a little slow on the intake. Sure. He was new. New and slow.
The second being that the rabbit was not only extremely bossy, but a little drunk. I'm all for being expressive, but seriously. Stop thumping. Disney cornered the market on the thumping rabbits, don't try. And pissed off rabbits aren't cute.
Then there's the blonde girl in the short skirt with the daddy complex that would jump on a train to the north pole just to spend time with someone who showed an interest. Bar the fact that they just met. And that he's made of snow. And slow. Can I ask where her parents are? This isn't Gossip Girl where they can just take off to Paris when they want to. She's an elementary school aged girl, thousands of miles from home, who now has post-traumatic-stress because she watched her giant snowman friend melt into oblivion. I mean, think about how emotionally crippled that girl will be.
Then, when Santa saves the day, not even he could bring Frosty back with any brains. Frosty was a lost cause. Sure, bring happiness to whoever you want, but he was as dumb as the rocks that made up his mouth.
Alas - I do love watching the old movies that I watched when I was a kid. They fill me with insight now. And I also love the fact that the squirrels knew how to start a fire. I always knew they were the favored of all God's creatures.

My avatar

Have you ever wanted to be someone else? Maybe not be someone else, but be able to do what they can do? Or have some sort of ability that you don't normally have? I think we all have been there.
I guess that's what Avatar makes you think about. Besides the fact that the film is completely stellar, it made me think about that. There's the guy who can't use his legs anymore and really, as this avatar of an alien, he can do all sorts of things again. It's really interesting to think about, if I had an avatar, what would I want to be able to do that I can't do now.
Maybe be an Olympic gymnast? I've always wanted to do that. Or an Olympic figure skater. Pretty much anything Olympics except for the bodybuilders who look gross. It's everyone's dream to be an Olympian.
I think that might be it. I've never really thought anything else was outside of the realm of possibility in my life. Either that or I never wanted to do it in the first place. But it just made me think. If you could have the ability to do something you wouldn't normally be able to do, what would that be?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A new day...

What a difference a day can make. Have you ever thought about that? We get a whole new chance every 24 hours to start over. I know that's a really glass-half-full attitude to have about things in the face of incredible amounts of real world that gets thrown at me on a daily basis, but still.
Yesterday, I might have been seething with anger and today, for whatever reason, I can be as happy as a bluebird in a birdbath on a summer's day. One minute you can be as content as a person can be and the next you could be in the throws of an all out emotional breakdown. For some people, it's the night's sleep that helps reset their minds and adjust their attitudes but I really think for me, it's the 24 hour mark. The sleeping helps but it doesn't do for me what listening to loud music and watching escapist television will do for altering my state of mind. Or I guess I could do what my neighbors do and just get high every day. That seems to work for them. There's never anything wrong with them. Well, once there was some sort of a fight going on but during the fight there was mention of the fact that they had "been clean for like three days man." Right.
What a difference a day makes. And it's funny what can turn a person around. A song, an email, a text, a kind word, a pat on the back, a hug, anything really. What was it for me today? That doesn't really matter. It just matters that today was a new day and tomorrow? Another new day. One day closer to Christmas even. And I'm not so delusional to think that every day is going to be great and perfect. But I do know that things will keep rolling and if it gets worse, then it will roll around and get better eventually. And I'm not afraid of the roll around because "tomorrow's another day, and I am not afraid, so bring on the rain."

Still Chuck

Is there a better feeling in the world than catching up on television that you haven't had time to watch? I don't know that there is. Well, when you love television as much as I do, there isn't a better feeling.
It's like I am catching up with my friends on the Upper East Side, a Modern Family, a bunch of people in a Community college, some really Mad Men and even a Cougar and a serial killer. I mean, there are so many really great things going on inside my television right now. You know I spent the summer watching shows and getting all kinds of caught up on things that needed to be watched. Well, now that the semester is over, I am doing the same thing again. And that is completely okay. Why should I be sitting around doing nothing when I could be letting fictitious characters into my life?
Especially when I am less than thrilled with some of the actual characters in my life. You know that I spent a huge portion of my semester studying a form of communication that interprets life as a stage and the people in it as characters. I already viewed life like that. I'm not thrilled with a couple people who are on my stage right now and while I don't have any intention of pushing them into the orchestra pit, I need them to stay in the wings and in the dark.
I love them. I do. But I need to be away from them right now.
Love is interesting. I thought I was in love. Not with whom I speak of above. But elsewhere. I mean, maybe I did? I watched this show on Discovery Health about what goes on in our bodies during sex and stuff. It was actually really interesting. On the show, the homely scientist woman said that romantic love has all of the chemical reactions in your head as addiction. Did you know that? So, if that's the case, then I think I had a problem. Really, I'm just messing with the definition. I wasn't in love. It was just addiction. One in which my fever just broke from this week I think. Except it was broken for me.
And now this blog makes absolutely no sense at all.
And is it said that the only thing I have learned thus far is that the 3rd person is always supposed to be a stranger? And that Chuck Bass is still the coolest guy on TV.
I'm done for today.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Golden Glee flee flar

I love Golden Globe day. I wake up and once I remember that it's the day (I'm groggy when I first get up), then I race to my laptop to check the list. It's so exciting to read about all of the movies and television. Especially this year when I have seen/will see/currently watch most of the shows and films that are nominated.
How delicious is it that Glee got more nominations than any of the other television shows? I mean really.
Here's my deal with Glee. I like this show. I like it a lot. But I have issues with it. It's not with the music - well mostly not with the music. There have been some really awful renditions and mash-ups on this show. I mean, really really awful. But that isn't where the issue lies.
My issue lies with the fact that this show doesn't know what it's doing. The asinine plots should be sub plots that resolve themselves within the hour. The deeper issues that they treat as sub-plots should be explored deeper as the main plots.
I know you are waiting for an example. The clearest one would be the teacher's wife pretending to be pregnant by using a plush pad on her stomach. This plot line offended me so greatly that it was painful for me to watch it play out. I mean, soap operas don't even go there because its that unbelievable...even for them. I can't begin to convey my sense of relief when it came out as a hoax. It was like a dam burst inside of me and I was finally able to make peace with the fact that I had invested so many hours of my life into this show. Because finally, it was in the realm of the normal, if only a little more.
So I'm thrilled for Glee and I'm thrilled that it's finally okay with me that I like this show. I've come to peace. Inner peace.
Oh. And I'm watching Modern Family now. I'm on episode 4. I started a couple hours ago. Right. I'm addicted. Crap.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Why I hate This Christmas

If you've been reading this for very long, you know that I love Christmas music. I listen to it year round. Really. I do. Well maybe not in January. But come February, I'm back on the Christmas music. But can I tell you? I hate the song "This Christmas."
I hate the song "This Christmas" more than I hate crime, poverty, or injustice. I mean, I really hate this song.
You wanna know what I think? I think that some record label has the rights to this song and they are making artists put it on their Christmas albums so they can create a new Christmas standard. But what they didn't take into account was the fact that I hate this song. Someone should have let them know.
Because now, here we are, the song is everywhere, and it makes me mad. It makes me mad because I don't like it. It makes me mad because I know all the words. It makes me mad because other people like it.
And I hate it. And I still stand my ground. I would actually go as far as to say that Santa doesn't like that song either, and Santa likes everyone. Even the kids that suck at life get coal. Sure, it's not great but it's something. If he didn't care at all, why would he waste the coal? Right? Right.
So this Christmas, Santa and I are done with this song.

I like it.

I've always been a pyro but I just realized this morning that I like playing with fire.
When I was younger...yeah that's it...younger, I would play with the matches and the candles, making them melt down the way I wanted them to. I never really had the desire to melt down other things, but candles were my object of choice. I still have candles everywhere, but I don't play with them anymore.
Though I figured out this morning that I still play with fire. And I like it.
There is something exciting about playing with something that you know can hurt you. It's exhilarating actually. I think this is because the hurt could only come after the bright light comes. I mean, first, it explodes and is hot and bright, its not til after that does the fire burn. So while it may be an exercise in futility to play with the bright and hot and not expect to get burned, we still do it. I still do it.
Because it's exhilarating. And I'm a fan of that feeling. I let it fog up my mind and put the brakes on my better judgment. I recognize that I do that and it isn't done to me. It's all me. I've made my peace with that, you should too.
Bring on the hot and bright.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Julie, Julia, and me

Okay. I've finally seen it. I finally saw Julie and Julia. I don't know why I never saw it in the theaters, I guess I just never had the time to go, but I've seen it now. It's a movie about writing, cooking, and sex. I don't know that there has ever been a more perfect for me. I mean, really.
And I'm sitting there watching it going "I write blogs. Why don't I have a book deal?" Of course that's wildly self-indulgent and one of those reaching-for-the-stars moments that don't happen to regular people...unless you're Julie. Then I guess it did. But she was a writer before the blog. So was I. Interesting.
She had a theme for her year and she blogged about it all the time. Granted, that was seven years ago and blogging wasn't what it is now. Now it's so easy for anyone to blog and there are so many out there, I don't know how anyone can keep up with any of them. But I suppose it does happen. I mean, Perez came from someplace right? He didn't always have that many million hits a day. I do read his site. I know. I'm shameful. But I'll tell you that I just scan down and don't read much of it. Not that it matters, I still go there.
They both have an angle though. I don't know that I have an angle. I'm just telling my story as it happens. Sometimes, it's not as thrilling as other times. I know that. But it's life and sometimes life is boring.
But I hope I bring a little breather into the boring days of your life, whoever you are. Writing my thoughts, sharing my inappropriate stories, telling tales out of school, and uncovering things about myself that should have stayed hidden brings me joy, and while I don't know who reads this, I hope I do something that makes you happy.
And if you know any publishers, I'm working on the book about my life and I would love to publish it. You think I've been blogging my thoughts? Just wait. I've been journaling on paper for 10 years. High school drama? Check. Growing pains? Check. Painful truths? Oh so many.
Seriously. Book deal. It's my life goal. If you know anyone...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Clambake, gonna have a clambake

Are clams actually happy?
This of course assumes that you have heard the statement, "Happy as a clam."
Right.
Are they actually happy? Has there been genetic research to prove that a) clams have emotions and b) they are perpetually in a state of happiness to warrant such an all encompassing statement to be said, using them as a reference.
I take issue with this.
Apart from unfair treatment of the clams' emotions, I don't really want to be compared to a clam. Have you ever seen one? Not attractive.
I know these are profound thoughts, much deeper than you are used to. But I knew I had to share.
You're welcome.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Lies.

I'm a big fan of honesty. I support it.
I think it should be employed more than it is. Here's why.
I've got this friend. A good friend. We've been good friends for a few years. And this friend is full of lies.
I said it.
Full. Of. Lies. And it's become obnoxious. Well, it's been obnoxious for a really long time, but now, it's reached a fever pitch of obnoxiouty. (Yes. I made that a word.)
So what do I do? Of course, in this situation, you would hope that I would just be myself and tell it like it is, speaking my mind with reckless abandon, saying exactly what everyone is thinking but is too afraid to say. But I haven't done that and I don't know that I am going to get a chance to.
So I stand irritated. Unable to change the current situation, frustrated because I can't help fix it, and a little disappointed in myself for sticking with this friend through all the crap I've been put through. But at the end of the day, I've been there. Standing there with love. Being a good person and an even better friend. FML.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The onion.

You don't know how much you use something until you can't use it anymore.
Yesterday, I stood up from my chair and a nerve in my back pinched for some reason - sending shooting pains all through my back and legs. It's been a really terrible 24 hours full of more prolonged pain than I think I've ever felt. I mean, the sounds that I made every time I had to move...my poor neighbors had to either think I was dying or very vocal sex. It's the truth. Don't judge. Thank God for Bayer Back Pain aspirin, swooping in and saving the day for me and making it manageable.
But that's not the point. I didn't really how much I used my lower back until it hurt to move it at all. This is why so many people have back problems, because you use it for absolutely everything.
I guess it goes back to that old adage that you don't know what you've got til it's gone. I mean, there's a lotta layers to that statement. A lotta layers to that onion.
The onion. The symbol of this school year. Need a reason to cry? Hold an onion and no one can say anything. An explanation for being complicated and neurotic? Be an onion, so many layers.
I miss yesterday morning when my back was fine. But without this, I would be without my new found respect for my lower back. I'm like Scrooge, a changed man, honoring and keeping my lower back in my heart every day of the year. God bless us, everyone.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Courtney Cox

I'm always surprised by the surprise of December. I don't think anyone ever sees it coming. Despite the Thanksgiving craziness and all of that, somehow, when the calendar changes and it's officially December, it comes as some sort of shock.
I always find myself thinking ahead in December, more so than other months. Even more that I think ahead in January. I think that by the time that January comes around, I've already started a new thing, or at least, I have the feeling that I've started a new thing at that point. But in December, I feel like I am preparing to start that new thing.
Not that I know what that new thing is this year. No. I have no clue or concept. Last year, I was finally finishing my undergrad and starting grad school. There was a lot new that was happening there. But this time around, there isn't so much that is changing for me, at least I don't think there is. But I can see other things on the horizon line that will be quite the change.
There's a concert coming up at some point, I can see the London skyline, and a little further out I can see the Empire State Building. All of which is terrifying and exciting at the same time.
I think this feeling has been compounded by my lack of "for sures" right now. There's a lot in the air and as much as that's okay, I would rather everything be nailed down.
I'm very Monica when it comes to planning. I need the plan, I need to know, and I need to have a hand (or two) in what's going on. I like cleaning too. The end result is so gratifying.
Speaking of Courtney Cox characters, Cougar Town was really funny this last week. The Thanksgiving episode was about as accurate of an episode as I have ever seen as far as depicting my group of friends. It was my favorite episode I've seen up to this point by far.
Sidetracks aside, it's December, and that means the future is coming. And I think that's exciting. And scary. But more exciting than scary. Maybe.