Sunday, November 29, 2009

You're sorta beautiful

I know that a lot has been written about the Twilight series and that's fine.
I just have such issues with it. Well, I had issues with it and now I have such issues with it.
Look. I get it. There is a hot boy, an odd looking boy, and a normal looking girl who has fallen in love. Fine. I don't have a problem with that. I don't have a problem with the vampire part either. I love me some True Blood.
It was the scene where she was screaming like she was pushing out twins and pumping her fist into her pillow. That is the epicenter of my such issues. That, of course, followed all of the "I can't live without you," "I'm nothing without you," jibberish.
Bella is, in my opinion, one of the worst female role models that I have ever seen. Ever. As I watch the movie, I read her thought bubble and you know what it said? It said, "I am nothing by myself, I amount to nothing, I can not make it without the vampire who looked better in Harry Potter, I know that I should be with the werewolf with the bad weave but I don't care because I am nothing without my man." Now I don't care for feminism that much, but I do care for equality and self awareness, of which she has none. Actually, she thinks she is self aware. Self aware of the fact that she is nothing without the brooding vamp. Every voice over is about how she is nothing.
I have issues with what that is instilling into the millions of young girls who are literally flipping their s**t over this franchise. Is this what you want to be? Unable to function if you don't have the guy you want? Acting as reckless as possible in hopes that he will notice you, save you, and then love you?
And then there's her off screen persona that is just so endearing. "I don't want my picture taken. I don't like the paparazzi. Leave me alone. I'm an actor not a celebrity. Wah." It's all so obnoxious. I don't think she's a bad actress at all. But the character's potential affect on generations of people makes me want to collapse in on myself like a dying star.
Oh. She's screaming into the pillow again. Congrats. Triplets.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

My body pillow.

So I just watched 2012...I know...and it's left me with some questions. Not with the film really, though there were a few characters that died that weren't necessary at all, but with the concept.
See, they all board these vessels and they are going to repopulate the planet basically. With them, they take all kinds of animals and priceless art because the planet is going to be destroyed.
That got me thinking. If I was leaving the planet behind, and I could take a few things with me, what would I want to take with me to remember Earth by? (people excluded)
I started to create a list in my head of what I would bring but I didn't actually think that people would find it interesting. But I mean it included my journals, my iPod, about 10 DVDs, and my laptop full of pictures. Maybe my body pillow too. I have issues sleeping without it really.
Body pillows are such a strange thing aren't they? They're so inappropriate if you think about them. What began as a replacement for another person to wrap your arms around has turned into this Walmart branded, multicolored, cushy "pillow" to add to the mixture of pillows on our beds. Of course I can't do without mine. I could tell you to read that a certain way but I know that you will read it however way you want to. That's fine.
Oh. I'd bring a hat with me. No one likes a bad hair day.

Friday, November 27, 2009

I can't go any further than this

I am so frustrated. I mean, I really really am.
How long does something stupid have to go on before it's time for you to say what you actually think about it?
For example. Lost. Season 2. Not the best season of television. How long did it have to go on before the writers got the hint and fixed it?
Another example. When your friend is being an absolute idiot and you don't say anything about it because you are afraid of what their reaction will be. So you keep quiet until you finally burst at the most inappropriate, inopportune moment. The counter argument to this statement is that if your friendship is actually that good, then you should be able to tell the truth. Right? I mean, it makes sense on paper and at some point, it makes sense in real life.
You know, Jim told everyone that Pam was pregnant, which was going to come out somehow anyways, he just did it at the wrong time and in the wrong way. But it did need to be said and it was better that it was said out loud. No more secrets.
So do I tell them? Do I tell them what I actually feel about this, risking being shunned and pushed to the side and hurt? I don't know. I really don't know. I mean, I wish they would meet me half way...right at the borderline... and talk about what isn't being talked about. But no. It's not brought up because it will be awkward.
So I sit, irritated by the whole thing, knowing that there isn't much that I can do about it, and that's that. Stuck. But what I really want to say is this:

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you

(I've been in a total Lionel Ritchie mood all day. It goes back to my childhood and this song was used in a Disney animated special that aired at some point. It's the same special that ingrained "Must be Talkin to an Angel" by the Eurythmics in my life. I was reminded about this song today and it's been on my mind. I thought it summed things up quite nicely, and by that, I mean that it has nothing to do with anything at all except it makes me feel better, which is the point.)

Hello Dorry.

You know in The Empire Strikes Back, when Han Solo slices open the stomach of the Tomtom and all its guts spill out? Right. That's where I am at now.
Picture it. I'm the Tomtom. Slice. Spill. Guts.
I'm having an issue as of late and it's consuming my thoughts. I'm not one hundred percent sure what to do about this and that's mostly because it has less to do with me and more to do with another person. The plot thickens.
See, the worst types of problems are those that involve other people as principal characters. When it's just you, there are all sorts of options on how to take care and resolve what's going on inside of you. There are shrinks, there are friends, there are friends that think they're shrinks, there's booze, there are acts of self discovery...there are numerous ways when it only involves you.
But when it involves another person, it's like that scene in Quantum of Solace where they are at the opera and one little thing said sets all of those people into motion and they scatter. It's messy and one thing could trigger another and so on and so on and the thought of it is too terrifying to fully conceptualize.
So I'm stewing in my own issues at the moment, swimming in a sea of uncertainty, watching new films in an attempt to land on some tidbit of fabricated truth that I can adhere to until this moment of murky maneuvering has passed.
Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

It's not that good

I went to get dinner tonight, much like i do every night. Being Tuesday, I went to this taco place that has cheap deals on Tuesdays. Right. That was the plan at least. I pull up to the restaurant, expecting to get it to-go and I see that the line of cars is so long, its pouring into the street. I meant it. we are looking at a line of cars 15 to 20 deep. So I decide to go inside, no big deal. I park. I get out of the car. I then see that the line is pouring out of the door. What? It's not even that good!
So here's to you Waco. I judge you. It's not even that good and the chicken I got instead was probably better. And, I got a new scarf tonight and with it, a new outlook.
So me, my chicken, my scarf, and my outlook wins tonight. Take that Taco Tuesday.

Monday, November 2, 2009

My life is better than yours

I said it.
I've been stalking people on Facebook and looking through their pictures, trying to gather who they are. After all, that's why we put pictures on there isn't it? So that people will see them and get a glimpse into who we are and what we do.
After looking at countless people's pictures, cool people and lame people, pretty people and unfortunate people, married people and single people, young people and old people...and judging them appropriately for their inappropriateness...I came to a conclusion. My life is pretty awesome.
Whoa. Calm down. I'm not saying that your life isn't great. I mean, I might be. If you're one of those people whose pictures I looked through, then yes, I am saying that your life isn't great. Here's why.
When I look back through my pictures, I am floored by everything that we do. I say we because most things in my life involve a form of "we." And we sure do a lot. And we have a stellar time doing it. And our events are varied.
You know, people have made verbal comment to us about how when we post pictures of our outings, they love it because we are so much fun. Well, I realized tonight that they are, in fact, very correct.
I have a great life. I don't know what I'm going to be doing a year from now, I don't know how I am going to pay off my school loans that are creeping up around my neck to try to strangle the life out of me, I don't know what the future is going to have for me and my camp, but for right now, things are pretty stellar and there doesn't seem to be any sign of it stopping.
There was a moment last night on Brothers and Sisters, my favorite show on television, where the entire extended family were all calling each other and were all on phones at the same time talking to each other passing around the exciting news. (You really had to see it to get it. It was wonderful. Just as wonderful as when Will, Grace, Jack, Karen, and the tranny all talk on the phones at the same time at the beginning of that Thanksgiving episode. It's my favorite opening of a show.) I just could see me and my camp in that situation doing the exact same thing, and it was exciting. I love the excitement.
And that's how I live my life. On the edge of excitement, just waiting to fall into it. Which is exactly why my life, more than likely, is more exciting than those people whose Facebooks I ransacked.
Sorry guys. Truth is still truth.