Monday, April 13, 2009

Truth for today

So the tale of today is a doozie. I wish I could sugar coat this one and say that I am going to embellish what happened, but I can't say that. I won't. I will tell you the truth because that's all I know.
I'm at work. It's the day after Easter and no one is around. I wish I was still asleep. Nothing is going on. Then a random guy with a small suitcase comes in the store. He's got a shaved head (except for the rat tail on the back). But it's not really a rat tail. It is about 4 inches tall and stretches around the entire back side of his head. The hair is about 6 inches long and curly. Right. Picture it.

So he's talking to himself from the time he walks in the door to the time he finally leaves. He said something about wanting a shirt with a pocket on it and that he would pay 25 dollars for a shirt with a pocket on it. Okay. So he's passionate. Whatever.
He's slowly bringing things to the counter, one at a time, and making a pile. Fine. Granted, he's talking to himself as he's doing it, and when it is finally time for him to pay for this items (a key chain, a plastic cup, a car decal, a hat, an 2 candy bars) he stops talking to himself and starts talking to me.
"I love the way Baylor does Easter."
Good start.
"Yeah. I just love the way they do Easter here. I mean, it could be better though."
I agree with him verbally.
"You know those remote control cars?"
...uh.
"You know. The ones from the commercials?"
...sure.
"Yeah. Easter should be at night. Not during the day. And you can paint the eggs glow-in-the-dark and put them on top of the remote control cars. Then, rather than hiding the eggs, you chase them."
...uh-huh.
"It's so much better than playing Quarters. If your car gets caught, then you have to down a pint. See, Baylor can do it so much better there in the center."
The center he was referring to was the very center of campus, meaning he thought that Beer-Remote-Controlled-Easter-Cars would be a school sponsored event. Baylor. The pentacle of Baptist education in America. Right.
He says he's a "Baylor Boy" and grew up in Waco, where he never had any problems with rent or leases here. But when he moved to Austin, he broke his lease and all of the sudden, Social Security is after him and he is back in Waco and has nothing. So it's Austin's fault that he stopped paying his rent.
But my favorite part of the whole thing was his take on Thanksgiving.

"You know, Thanksgiving is on the 24th of every year."
...Uh-huh. (It's not. But at this point it was best to just agree and try to pick up the pieces of my shattered psyche)
"It would just be so great if they could build a giant turkey in the center of campus. Baylor students are ingenious. You know? How they build a plane? They could build a turkey and put something really goofy inside of it. You know, so students can laugh and experience the joy of the Lord."

I'm not even going to comment. Everything you have read is factual. Not a single word of it is made up. That's been my day.

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