I've never really written an obituary before but I guess I had to at some point.
We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of my beloved television. It didn't have a name, though I would like to have named him. I imagined it was a him. I would name him Stevie the TV, but that name has been taken. In looking at him now, I imagine his name was Bruce.
We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Bruce. He died doing what he loved...watching Golden Girls. It's true. And my television was straight but he loved the Golden Girls, debunking the idea that you have to be less-than-straight to enjoy older women being bad.
It's fitting really. Yesterday, Bea Arthur passed away as well. I think that watching the Girls last night was just too much for Bruce's little heart to take.
When I found him this morning, he looked so pleasant, so comfortable. He knew. He knew it was time to move on. Things are changing in his room all around him. Different people have come into his room as of late. His neighbor on the other side of the wall will be moving out soon. He's been trying to cope with that for a while now.
He lived a full life. He used to be in the living room until he partied too hard playing Guitar Hero and he lost some of his hearing. His eyes have not been perfect for a long time and his remote has had a few surgeries to repair old age problems. But he had been through a lot. He had seen all that a PS2, a Gamecube, and a Wii have to offer. He's seen every episode of FRIENDS, Will and Grace, Frasier, Sex and the City, Heroes, and Everybody Loves Raymond. He recently began watching the Cosby Show, showing that old age hadn't cramped his style.
So, in conclusion. Bruce watched the church services most every Sunday. He always predicted the American Idol about two seconds before the satellite models could. He was always content with being a regular cable set. He brought me images of joy and of sadness. He sat by me when I couldn't sleep and I just needed someone to talk to. He was there when I felt alone and he was always there if I needed to entertain. He was a good friend and I will miss him.
So I raise a glass to Bruce.
See you on the other side.