My roommate saw a woodpecker for the first time today. Really. First time. How incredible is that? We grow up seeing cartoons about an obnoxious bird that pecks the life out of penguins and rodents, but at some point in real life, we hear those tappings outside and we look. There it is. The woodpecker.
It's actually an instrument of death if you think about it. It comes flying in at you, squawking and screeching. Then, it lands on you, it's miniature talons digging into your skin. Then it starts pecking away at your temples, causing you to go blind. Then you are stuck on the ground, blind and bleeding as it flies away, cawing to all its bird friends and showing off its kill. You recover but you never get your sight back. You can never see a new Britney Spears video again. Never again will you see Chandler in a box. Never again will you see a bad Oscar dress. All because of that woodpecker.
Next time I see that bird, I'm getting out my pellet gun. Eat your heart out PETA. That bird is goin down.