Monday, February 2, 2009

She disgusts me

Its Groundhogs day. Fantastic. Does anyone still care about that rodent? Is it a rodent? I don't know. Does anyone care about its shadow? No one cares about my shadow. I wish my shadow could predict the weather. What does your shadow do? Does it stop time or make grass grow? Mine is just stuck to me, much like Peter Pan's.
There are so many things wrong with that part of that story. First, the dumb boy tries soap. I'm sorry, but I was a little boy once and I can tell you that soap was good for only two things: washing my body and washing my mouth out when I said something wrong. Now, of course, that borders on child abuse. But if it was good enough for A Christmas Story, it was good enough for my momma. That movie came out the year I was born, and now it holds a special place in my heart. I spend nearly 24 hours of my life watching it each Christmas.
But the other part of the sadistic Peter Pan story is when Peter has Wendy, a little girl, sew his shadow on with a needle and thread. Okay. I don't even know what to say about that. Its obnoxious to me. When I was a little boy, if a girl stabbed me with a needle in an effort to attach a dark black object that would forever follow me, I'd have punched her in the neck with an open fist. But no. Its beautiful and wonderful when Wendy does it. She disgusts me.
And don't get me started on the pedophile with the hook. You know, he was almost lovable when Dustin Hoffman brought him back and you didn't really want Robin Williams to kill him. It was almost poetic when the croc swallowed him and Peter didn't have to kill him. Strange isn't it? Peter never kills Hook. He is always chased away by a crocodile.
In conclusion. Peter is a pansy, a wuss, a neo-sadist with a fetish for pain. Hook is a pedophile that should be on an episode of CSI as a victim of the MGM lions need for blood. Wendy is a hussy that took on an entire group of boys as her own. Harlot. And the dumb groundhog is only good to be used as a movie title. Or for lunch. Have you ever had groundhog kabobs? Tastes like chicken. As do alligator tails.

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