Sunday, February 8, 2009

Ryan for Secretary for the Arts

So I was watching Grammy recap videos today and I have some thoughts.
So far...so bad.
U2...okay?
Whitney - looks great, put your leg back in your dress.
Come on guys. The Grammys have lower and lower ratings each year (barring this year). I wonder why. Maybe because they get lamer and lamer. You know, there are many people who are making huge impacts on radio and on culture, most of which are very exciting and would draw viewers to the show. You want to do tributes to people? Fine. Have Mariah do it. Have Beyonce sing "At Last" with Etta James, have Christina sing with Justin. Have Britney do anything she wants. Come on Grammys.
And we are back to bad. Kanye West's Cosby Show hair was the main event really. It was until MIA decided to wear polka dots on her boobs.
All of which means nothing until the president of the Grammy people told Obama to create a cabinet position of Secretary for the Arts to ensure that the arts keep going around the world. I would like to nominate myself for that position. I would be fantastic at that job and I would ensure that the arts would be sent out all over the world in a positive way. I would ensure that award shows would no longer be boring. I would make sure that books get better marketing on television by hiring Suzanne Sommers and Kenny Chesney to do commercials. I would make sure the VMAs were a spectacle again. I would make sure the Tonys included more performances of casts from shows that aren't nominated. I would ensure that Kid Rock could no longer make "music." I would do my best to turn the Emmys into something good as opposed to the filth it's been in recent years. I would proudly sit at the head table with Meryl Streep at the Golden Globes. I would do public service announcements with celebrities, speaking out against Paris Hilton. I would bring music back to the Oscars and make them watchable again. (though this year's show was flawless. It's what it would be like every year if you appoint me) I would be in a Jennifer Lopez movie. I would encourage artists to tour more and cut back ticket prices so that more people could enjoy it. I would make sure that Vegas always has headliners, proudly showing off their assets to the world. I would bring Destiny's Child back together. I would bring good music back to the Superbowl halftime shows. I would eat dinner at Faith Hill and Tim McGraw's home. And most importantly, I would make sure that the Grammys don't suck anymore. I'd have Britney and Beyonce on speed dial and together, we would revitalize music on TV. That, and we would make sure that "Sweet Caroline" was sung in a public setting at least once a year. So appoint me.

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