Monday, November 3, 2008

Ask the lions.

What do you do when you can't be yourself? By that I mean, when you are not allowed to be yourself, who do you choose to be?
There are situations in our lives when we aren't allowed to be ourselves. I came upon one such situation this past weekend. It doesn't matter who I was with, what matters is that my sense of humor fell on deaf ears, and it was awful. I mean, now I know what it feels like to be a comedian and bomb terribly. It's awful.
But there are other times when you can't be yourself. Maybe when you first meet someone or a group of someones that you don't know anything about. You know how it goes. A friend says to come over and meet these people because they are "so great and you will love them." You get over there and you meet all of these fresh people who already have this connection together and you are the outsider and you have to make a decision to either be yourself or not be yourself. There is a risk there, but sometimes, you can just tell that being yourself isn't what would be the right thing to do in that moment. It's a hard truth, but truth is truth. Sometimes it's hard.
So you choose to be someone else. Maybe just a tamer version of yourself. There's nothing wrong with being tame every now and then. Lions do it all the time. But there comes a point when you can't be tame anymore and you have to just be yourself and do what you have to do. Ask the lions.
Is that alright? Is it okay to do that? I don't know.
But what about when you can't be yourself at all? At any time? Then what do you do? You create this shell of a person that you want to be seen as. I guess. Shells break. Ask the turtles. They know about broken shells. Then their insides are all exposed.
I guess the point is that at some point, you have to shatter that shell and just be you. It is a lot to take in at first because you are in the light for the first time and all of those things have never seen the light before. So it kinda burns and you are blinded a bit, but you get used to it, get a tan, and move on with life, free of the shell. Ask a kangaroo. That's how they feel when they are finally able to leave the pouch.
I'm going to leave the pouch soon. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I just need a new shell. Hermit crabs have to change shells. Maybe I should too.

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