I have a disorder.
I have a disease.
I have an affliction.
And it's a problem.
I can't handle mouths. I can't handle them. I can't handle the sounds that they make.
Chewing, crunching, biting, tearing...can't do it.
Smacking lips, chewing with mouths open...can't handle it.
Biting your fork...I'll kill you.
I have had this problem for a a long time. I remember having to leave the dinner table with my family because there was a bowl of chips in the middle of the table and all I could hear was the crunching. It was deafening. I couldn't sit still and I had to leave.
If there are chips, there has to be music or lots of talking to drown them out. I know that chips crunch and they always have. That doesn't matter. Don't you suck on the pieces so the don't crunch in your mouth too?!
It's a problem and even though I have met someone who shares my disorder, we are few in the world. We are lonely and the only thing that will drown it out is the sound of music or people talking in a restaurant.
This is my confession. I have a disorder. I have OCD about the noises that mouths make.
So close your mouth when you chew.
Don't crunch your ice, fool.
And bite your fork with the understanding that I will give you the "Go to Hell" look that you deserve.