Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Game of the Century

So I am playing a game of online Canasta, minding my own business when it hit.
See, I haven't played online games in a long long time. I used to be pretty good too.
So here we go. I'm playing, I don't win the first hand. I am behind by about 300 points. Fine.
Second hand. I don't win that either. I am behind my almost 1000 points.
Third happens. Something comes over me. I remember everything I have ever known about Canasta. I become this Hulk of a card player, screaming at the computer, raising my voice, flexing the muscles I am working on building. Who wins the hand? I do! I am suddenly ahead by 1500 points. That's how bad I got him! Superman1? Who's super now?!
Last hand. I am workin it. I mean, I am workin it hard core. It's like the championship game in my apartment. Jack Nicholson is on the sidelines cheering. Posh and Becks are in the box seats with Eva Longoria, Katie Holmes, and Jennifer Lopez. Tom puts the Scientology campaign on hold long enough to cheer me on. I hear David Beckham yell "Come on mate!"
I am closing in on him. It's coming. The crowd is getting excited. Giant foam fingers that exclaim that I am #1 are waving in the air.
In a moment of complete exhilaration, everything hushes. I'm like Speed Racer, heading toward the finish line. The crowd is dead silent. And then the pop-up window appears. I won by almost 2000 points.
THE CROWD GOES WILD! I'm being lifted into the air by a throng of fans! I'm hugging Jennifer Lopez and David Beckham is telling me how I am his inspiration! I can't hug Posh because she would break, but I'm high-fiving Eva and Katie. Confetti is flying! Flashbulbs are popping! The noise is deafening! I am the winner! WHAT NOW?! I WON!

Since my win tonight, I have signed a deal with Nike. You will see me in shoe commercials running during Gossip Girl and Heroes in the fall. I'm going on Oprah when she starts filming again for the new season. You will see me guest-hosting on Regis and Kelly next week and my book deal has been inked.
I would like the thank all the fans. You are what made me and what I am most grateful for. Well, that and cream soda. Mmm. Cream Soda.

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