Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I'm allowed this ONE.

Isn't it funny how sometimes we need God and other times we don't?
I know. I don't ever post about this sort of thing, but it's something that I have been thinking about for the past day.
It's funny to me how we go through phases. When things are going really great, everything is working, life is going the way that WE want it to go, we don't have much of a need for any Outside input do we? Things are going fine without it, why worry about it?
Then there are the times when we choose to need God. Like, when our plans fall through, when we are depressed, sick, or just when things aren't going as we want them to. Something being wrong with someone else brings us to the place where we want to remember to pray. Suddenly, it's the most important thing in the world. And doesn't it feel great to be able to tell someone that you have been praying for them during this hard time for them? Even though you didn't pray a day for them until something was wrong.
Oh! And I love when people do pray, they pray for what they want for themselves. I love that! And then when the answer isn't the easy way out, well, "I guess I should just do what I want anyways." Because that's wise.
I'm not a Bible-thumper and not too conservative either. Ask me who I am voting for and I will tell you that I don't know. (actually, I will tell you that I don't like either candidate, but that is neither here nor there) I just think that it is so great that we have a God that will just sit and wait until we can't do it on our own anymore and then He's there to swoop in and save the day...wait.

Last time I checked, He is there always. And we should be too. Not praying to get what WE want, but what is best for us. And I am not talking about the Celine Dion version of The Prayer. As wonderful as it might be, I am talking about really praying.
I'm done preaching. Forgive me if you are offended, but I am allowed this one time to say it.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Game of the Century

So I am playing a game of online Canasta, minding my own business when it hit.
See, I haven't played online games in a long long time. I used to be pretty good too.
So here we go. I'm playing, I don't win the first hand. I am behind by about 300 points. Fine.
Second hand. I don't win that either. I am behind my almost 1000 points.
Third hand...it happens. Something comes over me. I remember everything I have ever known about Canasta. I become this Hulk of a card player, screaming at the computer, raising my voice, flexing the muscles I am working on building. Who wins the hand? I do! I am suddenly ahead by 1500 points. That's how bad I got him! Superman1? Who's super now?!
Last hand. I am workin it. I mean, I am workin it hard core. It's like the championship game in my apartment. Jack Nicholson is on the sidelines cheering. Posh and Becks are in the box seats with Eva Longoria, Katie Holmes, and Jennifer Lopez. Tom puts the Scientology campaign on hold long enough to cheer me on. I hear David Beckham yell "Come on mate!"
I am closing in on him. It's coming. The crowd is getting excited. Giant foam fingers that exclaim that I am #1 are waving in the air.
In a moment of complete exhilaration, everything hushes. I'm like Speed Racer, heading toward the finish line. The crowd is dead silent. And then the pop-up window appears. I won by almost 2000 points.
THE CROWD GOES WILD! I'm being lifted into the air by a throng of fans! I'm hugging Jennifer Lopez and David Beckham is telling me how I am his inspiration! I can't hug Posh because she would break, but I'm high-fiving Eva and Katie. Confetti is flying! Flashbulbs are popping! The noise is deafening! I am the winner! WHAT NOW?! I WON!

Since my win tonight, I have signed a deal with Nike. You will see me in shoe commercials running during Gossip Girl and Heroes in the fall. I'm going on Oprah when she starts filming again for the new season. You will see me guest-hosting on Regis and Kelly next week and my book deal has been inked.
I would like the thank all the fans. You are what made me and what I am most grateful for. Well, that and cream soda. Mmm. Cream Soda.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Dog Socks

Have you ever put on a pair of socks that made your day better?

I had such an experience this morning. I was getting ready to leave for my summer class and I was completely zoned out because I was still angry with my alarm for waking me up. I was plumbeling around my room and I found my socks. There they were. Sitting on the floor, waiting for my feet.

So I put them on and wouldn't you know it, they were the most comfortable socks I have ever put on. I was reborn. I was alive again. I was rejuvenated. Life was good again.

Wait. Was life bad before?

Thank you for asking. Sure was.

I was in a funk all afternoon and evening yesterday. I was. I don't know how to explain it, though I tried for over an hour on the phone to do so. It's just bad timing. It's one of those waves where I am kinda being carried around and all I want is for my feet to be back on the sand. Not the kind with seaweed in it. I hate the feeling of seaweed on my feet. Gross. No, the kind of sand that is just sand. Pure, crab filled, fun. Except I don't want crabs.

Back to my point.

I'm just tired of dealing with some things and I had a hot dog moment.
Right.
A hot dog moment.
You know when you are cooking hot dogs in the microwave and they are in there for too long? And they start to slowly explode on the ends and they expand and eventually pop? I popped. It was a good pop I think. I mean, when a hot dog pops, that's not really great. That means it was there for too long and even though it will taste of the same sweet chicken/cow/pig/horse/dog meat mixture, it still was there too long. I've been there too long and I needed to pop.
I'm really hoping that the steam that was released is enough. I hope. I don't know.

I guess I will ride the wave until I get my footing again. And at least when I get my footing, I will be wearing these socks.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I Try.

I try. I try not to say anything. I really do. And then this obsessive compulsion comes over me and I can't help it any longer. I have this moment when I crack.
Stop crunching your food.
Stop biting your fork.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Stop crunching ice.
I can't help it. I have that issue. I can't handle food and mouth noises. I'm sorry. Yes, I will disown you and forbid you from eating near me. Yes, I will go to my room and leave you alone. Deal with it.

Hey Janet Reno!

Okay. Elian Gonzalez joined the Young Communists in Cuba.
What?
I'm sorry what?
...
wait...what?

Don't you remember him? The boy in Florida with the guns in his face and all the coverage and everything? Right. He's a communist now.
Pretty sure this isn't what Janet Reno wanted. Pretty sure.
I know that things are changing a lot down there and people have so much more freedom now than they used to and I think all of that is great. And since I don't exactly know what it means to be a part of the Young Communists of Cuba, I don't want to pass too much judgment. Having said that, the word "communists" is in the title.
So, I am left with saying...
What?!

2-5

I rounded that corner this weekend and turned a quarter of a century old. Rock on.
I got free coffee in the morning and let me tell you, that is the way to start a day. Mexican food with the best salsa I've ever had. Blacklight putt-putt where the scaffolding gave us a near death experience when it came plummeting toward us. Playing arcade games like we were 10 again. Homemade food at the Casa de mi Familia, games, shouting, and roasting marshmallows outside. It was a pretty rockin day.
Thanks for the well wishes. It means a lot.

Bad Start - Do Over

I woke up this morning thinking that today was the day of the first football game and that I had slept through it. Not good. That is not a good way to start a week. So I went back to sleep so that I could wake up in the right month and start this week off right.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Don't make God cry

Did you really just respond to my text message with "K"? Really? Was it too hard for you to type in the word "Okay" or even better than that - "Okay, sounds great"?
I know that I am spoiled. I have a Sidekick and it has a full keyboard on it and so when I text, I can write mini-novels and send it out without taking hardly any time at all. I know that if you don't have the keyboard, it isn't as easy. But who is texting for the first time? Anybody? If you are over the age of 30, you get a free pass, but only for so long. The expiration date on that pass is quickly approaching.
K?
Some people are in the habit of just sending smiley faces as answers to questions. Those I can tolerate more because the expression on the face can mean so much. A smiley face can say "That's a great idea and I have never heard of anything that sounds as fun as that." A frowning face can say "I just failed that test and I can't even talk about it, all I can do is frown."
But K is up there with all of the other abbreviations that people think are so fun to use but really make God cry. Every time it rains, God is crying about electronic abbreviations. Whatev is not a real word and it only works when Grace Adler or people like Grace Adler say it.
Abbreviations are the devil's playground. Oh we've got trouble my friends. Yes sir we've got Trouble right here in our city. With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for Precious...not presh. Idiots.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

A fake Dog.

Have you seen the Carrie Underwood Nintendo commercial?
Let me preface this with the fact that I love her. Dearly.
But can we please take a moment to comment on this commercial?
She looks pretty, she's playing the Nintendo, there is absolutely no music (first mistake) and we realize that she is playing with a dog. On the Nintendo. A fake dog. And she scratches the fake dog's belly and it woofs.
Okay. I grew up in the time of the Tomogotchi and the Nano Pets. I am pretty sure that I spent hours feeding digital hamburgers to a dinosaur. Put it on your keychain and take it with you. It had to be fed and that's about it. When it died, just press the reset button on the back and you start over again.
Back to the commercial. Then Carrie's real dog comes and how convenient, it looks just like the dog on the Nintendo screen.
Vomit.
Just get a five dollar Giga Pet and call it a day kids.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Layla, come inside

So I cleaned out my life today. No joke. I did.
Some people do that in the spring, but for me, I wait until the summer. It's hot, gross outside, I just want to be inside, watching endless hours of sitcoms on DVD until Double G comes on at midnight and I want to clean out my life.
So I did. I cleaned my room first. Magic. I threw away a ton of stuff. A ton. My mother would be so proud. Isn't it funny how when it comes time to clean your room, your mom gives you one of those giant black trash bags? You know the ones. The giant ones that are way bigger than a bag should be and then you are expected to fill it with all of the things you have grossed since the last time she bugged you? Right.
Well no one bugged me to, I just did it on my own. Look at me growing up.
I cleaned up the living room, which is hard because we are in college and there are people in and out all the time and there is a puppy who poops everywhere, but still. It looks better now than it did two days ago.
Speaking of people coming in and out. We were playing cards last night and after going to get summer drinks at Common Grounds, we came back. Wait ten minutes. Screaming outside our door. Screaming. Suddenly, two girls run into our apartment (calm down, we know them) and they are being chased by a giant roach. A flying roach. A Froach. Panic ensues.
So we wait it out, they open the door to leave and screaming happens again, it's hovering right outside the door, waiting. It's being described to us as being the size of a small bird. I'm a man. So I grab my air-freshner can and a book from under our coffee table about Forgiveness and I open the door. It's mounted on the outside light and it's huge. We freak out and go inside. So I get bug killer and I go to spray it. It's gone. The puppy was of course also gone, just chillin at the bottom of the stairs. Right. Layla, come inside.
Anyways, life cleaning. Today, I cleaned out an old email address and got rid of it. That might not sound like a big deal to you, but it really really is. There were a lot of things tied to that email that no longer are a part of my life. Cleaned out. Feels good.
So I challenge you, clean out something today. My next project is my car. Though you might want to baby step it to something. Baby steps Bob. Baby steps.

My Afternoon Delight

Best news ever. I know. That is a loaded statement. But seriously.
They are making an Anchorman 2!
Best. News. Ever.
We all know that it's the funniest of all of Will's movies. We know that. And now, they are getting the whole crew back together again to make another one. Oh, it just brings joy to my heart. I mean, I laughed so hard in that movie that I fell out of my movie chair. I did. And I didn't care because by the time I realized it, I was cracking up again. I mean, I did it with my eyes open unlike some people. I have to see the movie.
Best news ever.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Peeing Peesh Peddling Power Pooping Puppy

So the dog has been doing so well recently. She hasn't made any "mistakes" in the apartment, and she has been letting u know when she needs to go outside to go. Good puppy.
Until today.
I, in my weekend of productivity, cleaned my room last night. It's wonderful. The way a room should be. Today, I am taking a shower and I decided to go ahead and give the dog a bath too.
I give her a bath, she tried to escape and I wouldn't let her. She got clean. All is well.

Then she comes into my room and jumps into my lap. She's wet so I make her get down. She gets on my bed and when I realize that she did, I turn to tell her to get her wet self off and I see it. It was like Lake Erie.
So I find myself having a conversation with the puppy. Her ears laying flat behind her head because she knows she was bad. It went something like this. "I am very upset with you puppy. You have upset me. You peed on my bed. That is the most cardinal of all the sins." She responded with the sad puppy face. I was unmoved.
"You were not a good puppy and I am very disappointed with you. You have been so good and now, whoosh, right down the crapper."
I then realized that the crapper wasn't the right choice of words.

Whatever. My sheets needed to be cleaned anyways. Puppy power strikes again.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Tis the Season

Have you seen the episode of Golden Girls when Sofia comes into the kitchen screaming, holding a giant knife above her head like she was going to attack the girls? Cracks me up every time.

That has nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about either. I just watched Raymond and Marie was writing her family Christmas letter. My dad always says he is going to do one but he never does. I tried writing it a couple years but I'm pretty sure they never sent it out. But they mean to.

So I started thinking. At what age do you start doing your own Christmas letter? I mean, if you are Jewish, probably never. But you could still do a holiday letter. Even though I think the whole "holiday" thing is such a cop-out. Personal opinion but still.
I'm gonna be 25 in four days. Does that mean that I am old enough to do my own letter? I mean, I have a lot to say. I have had a big year. Maybe I should. Except mine will be an e-letter. I can't do the whole paper thing. I don't have anyone's addresses.
I think that I will do it in July. Christmas in July week is coming up and I think that would be a great opportunity to send out my letter. So get ready. I'm ready now. Don't worry. I will keep you posted as to when Christmas in July week is. Best week of the year.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Dam Yourself

Watch your language. Sheesh. Inappropriate.
Everyone has vices. We all have things that we deal with on a daily basis and we have to struggle with. It's a part of life. But what we do with those things defines who we are. Whoa. I totally feel like Russell Crowe in Gladiator.
Seriously though, we have to dam up the opportunities for us to cave into those struggles and a lot of times, we use other people to be those dams. I don't know that there is anything wrong with that actually, but there comes a point when we have to be independent enough to be those dams for ourselves.
There is accountability and then there is the point when you just have to be strong enough inside of you to be able to tackle things. It's a fine line, but I think the rewards outweigh the pitfalls.

I cried last night.
Truth is truth. Don't have to lie.
I'm pretty good with the whole dam thing. I know how to keep myself out of trouble. But you know, after everything has been building up behind the dam for so long, it has to break. Not in a bad way, but in a positive way. Oprah, are you listening? So I broke and let go everything that had been building up. Of course I still had the chain link fence in place so that I wouldn't give into the things that are issues for me. Flood waters out, self control in.
Look at me. I'm not perfect and I am letting everyone know. Dr. Robyn would be proud.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I've

I'm tired.
I'm so tired.
I'm so very tired.
Of it.

Look. I'm gonna be 25 in a week and a half and I've lived an exciting life thus far. I have traveled around the country, I have lived in New York City, I have placed at National fine arts competitions, and I've seen 16 different Broadway shows on Broadway. I've been published in a magazine, I've seen the dramas that I have written be performed all over the country, I've sang before thousands at the biggest event at Baylor University and I have friends on both coasts. I have a close friend in Brazil...who brought me a piranha. I've been to Mardi Gras. I saw Celine in Vegas. I've gone on the college road-trip. I've heard Mariah sing Hero live. I've been a mentor to teenagers and seen them grow up to be real people who don't suck. I've made a lasting impact. I've led an organization of over 100 teenagers and I've led an organization of over 100 college kids. I laugh loudly and don't care. I say crazy things and don't care what you think of them. I'm wise enough to be able to discern who is going to be an important piece of the puzzle of my life and who will blow in and blow right back out again. You might think that's crass, but it's the truth. I've moved five times in the same year. My ensemble in high school sang on a TV station. I've set goals for myself and met them, and I am one semester away from graduating from the college that I stepped out on a limb to go to when all logic said I should stay where I was.
Is it exactly how I would have done everything? No. If I had my way, I would have graduated 2 years ago. But that's not the road that was laid out for me. And I don't regret it at all.

So don't look down on me like you are better or more mature than I am.
Because you have no idea.

You know how actors put on a face when they take on a part? You know how we, as people, do that every day? You know how when you are with your closest friends, you don't have to do that? Right. So get over it.

I'm just frustrated. I'm gonna just give up on all of the crap and just open up an emu farm. That's right. And we will parade them down 6th street in Austin. It's already been arranged. See, I have connections.
I'm tired of it. I'm so very very tired of it.
Emus it is. In Yemen.





The Waves Are Regrouping

So I have been trying to write on the projects that I gave myself to work on for the summer and I have been coming up with nothing really. I'm not really complaining, I am just stating.
Creativity comes and goes. It comes like the waves of the ocean. It rolls in, hangs out for a moment and then pulls out again. Sometimes, you get wave upon wave that roll in on top of each other and you are just inspired for a long time. But eventually, the waves all pull out to regroup. So what happens to us while they are regrouping?
For me, I can't make anything happen. Nothing at all. I can try and I can even have ideas that are good. But I can't execute them in the slightest. It's frustrating only because I know that I want to work on these things, but at the same time, I know that I just can't right now.
So what do I do during these times? I would love to share. Thanks for asking.
I immerse myself in things that are creative. I know that eventually, the waves will roll back in again and it will be time for me to go at it. So if I immerse myself in the things that I love now, when it comes time to write again, I will be charged up to full. We should always immerse ourselves in the things that we love anyway. It's good for the soul.
So while the waves regroup, I'm immersed.

Monday, June 2, 2008

I'm in a High School Musical!

On my first day of high school, I missed the bus. So I ran home crying to my mother, who had to then drive me to school, I was totally late, I couldn't find the classroom, and when I got in there, of course everyone turned and stared at me. The teacher even made a point when going over everything to say that tardies were not tolerated in her class and she looked over at me as she said it. It was awful. Absolutely awful.
Suddenly, I'm back in high school.

My first day of summer classes at the community college in town. I have to take two classes so I can graduate in December. I have never been out there, but I know how to get there, so I wake up early, I leave half an hour before class starts (which is the ungodly hour of 8:00 in the morning by the way) and I head out there. Not that it matters that it was at 8:00 in the morning, because I didn't sleep at all last night. Again. I found myself in a caravan of sorts of students from Baylor who were all heading out there for the same reason.
I was surprised at how surprisingly scenic it was out there. The only community college that I have ever been to was like in the middle of a field and was Boring. (note the capital letter) There is the river, the park, more trees than Al Gore could shake a stick at, and the temperature was nice in my un-air conditioned car, and the gospel music was playing loud. I was singing. It was a nice ride.

My plotted out parking lot was full and so I had to move to plan B, which was totally fine. I found a spot without a problem. I walked in with everyone else, I got into the building, inside my class, perfect seat in class. All is good.

The little old man teacher came up to me to check my name on the role...it wasn't there. It's not a big deal, I just got registered on Friday, I tell him. He tells me that if I haven't paid, they will drop me from the class and I thought I had until tomorrow. Whatever. It will work out. I'm gonna stay in there today and fix it after class.
Class starts.
"Hola clase."
"Hola."
"Does anyone know what hola means?"
Uh oh. Shouldn't all these people know this by now?
"Doesn't it mean hello?"
Crap. I'm in the wrong class. How did this happen?
Well, the people at the registrars office gave me the wrong info. So I am on my phone emailing them as I am in class, trying to figure it out. She emails me back and says that I am registered in the class that I am supposed to be registered in. Fantastic. Too bad I am not sitting in it.
So there I am. Sitting. Irritated. He's talking and I am not listening. I am trying to figure out when I can get up and leave to try and fix this.
Then he goes and closes the door.
My exit strategy was thwarted.
Okay. So, I will email the prof of the class that I supposed to be in. That was my new plan. I knew that a break was going to be coming up and so I would just leave then.
But not before having to learn the alphabet and the numbers in Spanish. Again.
It was awful. It was the longest hour of my life. And the entire time, an epic R&B opera set to the tunes of Brandy was playing out in my head. That part was fun but the other part was not. Hopefully, the sun will come out again tomorrow.

So I drove home after sneaking out at the first break and sang to Brandy in the car ride all the way home. Again with the scenery and the breeze and such. Except this time, I was irritated.

So, I am back in high school. Luckily, I'm 11 years older now and I have the wisdom to know that it's not the end of the world and I can totally fix this, but still. Disaster. I mean, it was like watching the Titanic sink on a perfectly clear night, or a tidal wave crashing on a beach on the perfect beach day. You know, when it's not too hot but the sun is out so you can get tan? That's a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be. It's only a day away.