Sunday, May 25, 2008

Paved Paradise

The dog pooped on the sidewalk. Yeah. We were on a walk and she kept trying to stray off into the grass. Now look, I realize that she is a puppy and she is excited about life and wants to smell everything and woof at everything. But at some point, you have to make the puppy stay on the sidewalk so that her nails will get filed down.
Nails are an understatement. She doesn't have nails. They're not even claws. It's more like talons. The puppy has talons like an eagle. Or if you took the teeth out of a barracuda and glued them on her feet, that would work. Do barracuda have teeth? I don't know. But if they do, I imagine that they are like the dog's feet machetes.
Speaking of barracuda. Did you see Fergie on Idol Gives Back? When she sang Barracuda with Heart? Rocked my, along with America's, face off. She let it go to her head and she performed it on the Today show...on the ground, grinding...in front of small children. Did you see the video? Look it up! You can see the horrified faces of the kids behind her! Fergie Ferg. Come on now. And do you think that we really want to see you in those skin-tight, fake-leather, black leggings? No. I don't care how fit you are.
So I am keeping the puppy fit by walking her, and she trails off into the grass again. So I pull her back so we can keep walking. I just didn't realize that she was leaving a happy trail while she was trailing. So I realize it and I stop she can finish. But does she decide to finish in the grass? No. She goes on the sidewalk. Which is fine for me, I'm gonna keep walking. I had already decided to take another street home anyways so I would completely bypass even the smallest chance that I might step in it. But can you imagine the person that does? I just laughed out loud about it. It was a Dr. Evil laugh. Someone is gonna be angry, I just wish I could see it. It was a great 'Sit Ubu Sit' moment. Good dog.

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