I've never done this before, but they do it on the magazine websites that I love to read. So I am giving it a good shot.
Preshow: All the idols are there except for Kelly. I love that they are all there. It's like a Homecoming. Wait. Taylor Hicks isn't there. I don't care though. Sorry Taylor. That's what you get for being an old man.
Sanjaya is there and his hairline is receding. Karma is a bitch isn't it?
Janice Dickenson. I know people hate her, but I oddly love her. I love that she got new boobs and Simon worked his off.
And it starts!
I love the shameless promotion for So You Think You Can Dance. Not that I am complaining. Not in the least bit.
See, here's the thing. I don't really care that much about either of them. So I don't have anything to say about them and what they sing really. I mean, there are exceptions.
I can't wait til Archuleta makes boom boom in his pants though.
Why are they doing this? Why is the entire "pit" clapping above their heads? Did Paula spit in their mouth and suddenly they can't control themselves?
Can I just say that the sight of Mike Myers brings joy to my heart. Mariska Hargitay to you too.
And a Secreast crotch shot.
And a Syesha duet that was too low for her. And Seal didn't sound great. Good try.
Here's the deal. This means that the television season is over. The end of Idol is like the end of the year. School let out weeks ago, but the Idol finale is the sign that it's all over. I mean, I remeber when that meant that TV was done until the fall. I know that now we have SYTYCD and there are still a few finales left to air tomorrow, and Runway will be back in July, but the regular season is over. Can I chronicle my life on basis of the Idol finales? Yes. Yes I can. And I don't find a thing wrong with that. Some people go from Christmas to Christmas. Some go from the start of a school year to the next start. I go from Idol finale to Idol finale.
Back to the show.
Jason Castro singing the only song he sounded good singing. It was better the first time.
Free cars. Whatever.
Come on Amanda. Get into the frikken song. I hate you. I really hate you. Kristy Lee Cook was just good! See Amanda. You suck. Go smoke something. I forgot you existed and now you have ruined me.
Summer Donna. Sum-mer Don-na.
Ryan Seacrest. Dance it like you do in the clubs. With Jeff. Or John. Or Kenny. I'm bad. I'm so so bad.
And now the gay disco colors. It's like Speed Racer is on a concert stage. Summer Donna rocked. No way around it.
NO! Why is the Diet Coke Starry Eyed Surprise commercial back?! NO!!!!!
Okay. I am seeing the finale that I wish had happened. Carly and Michael Johns. That was frikken incredible. Oh my gosh. Holy crap. They were incredible.
David Hernandez should not have gone home first. Who cares if he was a stripper? Who cares if he is still a stripper? He is better than Chikezie Ezie. Did you know that is his last name? Ezie?
So interesting to me. Donna Summer has a new album coming out. Brian Adams has a new song coming out. Coincidence. Clearly.
Brooke White. Eh.
Jonas Brothers. No thanks.
Take it! Take it! Take it!
Let my pee-ble go!
I am your brother, best friend forever, sing the songs, the music that you like
Brothers til the end of time, together or not, you're always in my heart
You hurt your feelings, and you will rain no more, I love you brother
The USC band and cheerleaders. I have been cheering out loud. Literally cheering outloud. I have been waiting for that moment since his audition. And Paula dancing? Screw the Davids. That was the best thing ever.
I realize that Apologize is catchy. But he doesn't sound that great. Say what you will. But if you are going to have high notes in your songs, be able to hit them.
Jordin, you have lost weight and then you fell into the costume closet of Brand New Day scene from the Wiz.
The Pips thing. It was like this odd thing that I couldn't stop watching. I mean, there was something about Iron Man doing choreography. And why were Jack Black's pants down?
Carrie. She's everything that a country star should be. Perfect looking. Great singing. And she stole Storm's cape from the animated TV show. Look it up. It's dead on.
And the whole world just went "Why did they make another Hellboy movie? The first one wasn't all that great."
Um...sorry George "I have to use my hand for everything" Michael. Carrie sang this song better than you. Stop crying Paula. Stop it. I love "Hey Paula" but I draw the line at crying for George Michael.
Let's see. They have 3 minutes to give the final result before the news has to start.
2 minutes to go.
1 minute to go.
David Cook. Crying. It's touching. Wait. Who are you and why are you putting your head on his shoulder while he is talking? That was so creepy. I realize it was his mom. But man. That was creepy.
The producers can let out a collective sigh of relief. David Cook won. You know that they were all crossing their fingers because they know how incredibly UN-marketable baby David was. Throw him to Disney and let them have a good try with him.
You gotta love that picture at the end though. All the contestants with the judges, singing to the audience. It's a nice picture.
It's over. Let So You Think You Can Dance season begin!